I’m serious. Every time I hear someone say something like,
“I just binge watched the entire 187 hours of Breaking Mad Men Of A Certain Age.”
I think, “How do you have the time?”
When someone asks if I’ve watched Stan vs. Evil I’m embarrassed to mention I don’t even know what platform it’s on. And I’m embarrassed to have to mention that it’s on a platform. Can I get it on cable and on line and on demand or just on line and CB radio? Can I plop down on my couch and find it with a remote? No? I have to search my TV listings until I find that’s it’s not there and then go on line and find that I don’t have a subscription to that service.
Back to my original question, how do you have the time?
I just spent thirty-six minutes finding out I can’t get Mississippi and another ten to see I’m so far behind on Angie Trifecta it would take me a month to catch up. Which means I wouldn’t have time to watch the very few shows I have in my queue which means I’d get behind and the DVR would fill up because my girlfriend has more than half the DVR perma-filled with every Harry Potter, everything ever broadcast about the West Memphis Three, the HBO Liberace biopic, some concerts and a bunch of documentaries I’ve watched she told me not to delete but the truth is she’ll never watch.
Let’s add it all up, I have two days off a week which means I have two days to pile in all the chores and adventures a person needs to accomplish to sustain a life. I barely watch TV and rarely go on line those days because I can’t find the time. Then I work a minimum of nine hours a day so tack on an hour before and after in pre and post work activities. Then I try to sleep 6-8 hours a day. So, on a good day, I’m occupied 17-19 hours a day. That leaves 5-7 hours of ‘free’ time.
If there’s an urgent after work chore or plans to meet with people that eats an hour or more. And there’s alays a chore or a meeting. So now I’m down to 4-6. Still plenty of time to chew off a chunk of the first season of Orange Is The New Blackish. But wait, I have to shave. And this one is totally on me.
I have to shave face and head. It doesn’t have to but I make it take an hour. I like to grab a couple of beers, go the basement, fire up the lathe to frighten the neighborhood children and then settle down to shave. I guess during that time I could watch an episode of Fargo but I also have podcasts to listen to. I just finished S-Town but that cut into the ones I try to collect for future listening over the week. Right now I have 63 podcasts waiting on my MP3 player. And what if I would rather catch up on some music during shave time? I did that for a couple of days and my podcast collection went over 70 in a snap.
So now I’m down to 3-5 hours a day of potential show watching time. 21-35 hours a week. That’s not bad, that could burn some viewing hours. But then you forget I have a girlfriend who also has her viewing habits. We have one living room so one TV so that renders going to another room to do my own thing moot.
She has to catch up on her shows. I understand that. Hell, I’d like to do that. She’s busy too so she gets backed up. One of her DVR’d shows is a daily show so that can get behind rapidly. Hell, if we throw on a movie that’s the entire night. So let’s say, on an average night, we watch 2 hours of her programming choice. That gives me 1-3 hours of my programming a night.
Did I mention I’m a sports fan and two of the local teams got to the playoffs this year? Baseball is in full swing and tennis is heating up. Even if I check in quickly that can burn half an hour of my day. So I have to make a choice, do I pound through an episode or three of what I have accumulated on the overcrowded DVR or do I start watching a brand new show that I would love from what everyone has told me?
By that time I’ve been up 14-16 hours, am beat and just want to crack open another beer, let the ballgame gently wash over me and hope there’s a power surge that wipes out the entire DVR so we can start all this madness all over again.
So, tell me again, how do you have the time?