The weather’s starting to get a little cool so that sets off a new wave of people complaining about the weather.
“Uragh! Summer’s over and that sucks!”
“Yea! Summer’s over and that’s super!”
I know people feel the need to say something but why? It’s called meaningless small talk for a reason. It’s like an air-filled candy
ball. You think something’s there but the moment you bite in you knows it’s worthless. Maybe they don’t think I’m aware of the current climate. Maybe that’s it. They’re trying to school me. Maybe they think my office is hermetically sealed so weather is an unknown commodity to me. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
I just hope they don’t think they’re the only person on this planet to disseminate that information to me that day. Because that first person, shockingly, would be me the moment I get up. Hot, cool, cold. Sunny, cloudy, gray. Wet, dry, humid. I gather that information in a split second moments before I open my eyes. But still the information from outside sources continues unabated. I’m told I’m missing a beautiful day. That I’m lucky I’m not outside on a shitty day. I often wonder how they think I get here? In one of those vacuum tubes at bank drive-ups? I get sucked in to work each day in a little tube? After they’ve laid this bit of knowledge on me I often want to say,
“Shut up you blathering dolt. I want to stick pens in both your eyes and stretch out your head until it collapses due to the insipid emptiness that lives up there.”
But I can’t because my boss frowns on my screaming at customers. So I stand there nodding while thinking,
“Yeah, the twenty-second person on my weather related murder list today. Six more and I’ll break the old record.”
If you’re one of those people who feels the need, no, the pull to talk about the weather while in the middle of a transaction let me give you some friendly advice, stop, think twice then shut the fuck up. The person on the receiving end knows what the weather is. They don’t live in the store, toll booth or coal mine. They got there by slogging through the weather no matter how awesome or crappy it is and, in a few hours, they’re going to be out in it again knowing, with the utmost confidence, what the weather is.
So remember, stop, think twice then shut the fuck up.
And you don’t even have to thank me.