I was quietly minding my own business the way I do. I have no need to be the center of attention. As a matter of fact, it’s to my detriment when I am. If I’m talking that means I’m telling of things that have passed. I’m not gathering stories for the future. That’s what I call it no matter how mean spirited other may find it.
That’s when someone walks up to me and says,
“What’s the matter?” I get that question often. So let me answer that question once and for all. Unless you see a bone sticking out of me, a copious amount of blood pouring from me, something large and pointy sticking out of or a small projectile entering my body my answer will be.
Everyone’s life has shit in it. I don’t want to hear yours so I doubt you want to hear mine. I think I’m doing you a solid on this one because, trust me, if I were to tell you some of the things that go on in my life you’d never leave the therapists office.
But this person knew something was wrong. They could just feel it. Which amazed me because I’ve only met this person three times and can’t say we’ve really had a conversation. I know I haven’t and don’t remember anything earth shattering lolling off her tongue.
“You’re not yourself tonight.”
“Yes I am. As a matter of fact, I checked my ID before I came in. Exactly me.”
She looked at me askew, which happens when they get an answer from me they didn’t expect. Proving she doesn’t know me. People who know me pretty much aren’t phased by anything that comes out of my mouth. As a matter of fact, if I say something normal sounding I can tell they feel a little let down.
I can tell she doesn’t know what to say. In her life answers like that aren’t possible. But in my life, the life she thinks she knows so well, that’s just ‘a fine howdy do!’ to people.
We stand there facing each other for a moment. I can tell, even though I’ve only met her three times, that not having a comeback and having to deal with this issue at all is making her uncomfortable. So, without a word, I turn and exit the room.
Because I want her to feel even more awkward.