I’m in a TV studio preparing to shoot a show. There’s a lot of last minute checking and futzing that goes into the start of a production. There can also be some downtime when you’re waiting for someone else to complete their checking and futzing before you can get to yours.
It’s during one of those times when I’m not necessary (some would say that’s a constant) so I wander off. I go to the water cooler to get a drink and try not to think about everything that can go wrong in the next half hour. Trust me, that’s a long damn list.
When a woman sneaks up on me. Now, in reality, she probably didn’t sneak up on me but, when I’m in the studio waiting to shoot, I’m barely aware of anything not related to the shoot. So I’m already a little perturbed about the interruption.
“Hi,” she says. I nod with a mouthful of water. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Because of things I know people say about me I’m never sure if that’s a good thing or not.
She starts talking (I remember none of what she said) and flirting. Normally, when people flirt, the desire is simple. But when I’m in a studio and I don’t know this person, but they are obviously a producer of some type, I don’t take it as a sexual come on. I’m more apt to think of it as a production come on. Irk number two.
I sort of tune in to this lady. Her hair tossing; her open mouth laugh; her overt touching, all the signs are there. And it’s annoying me because I can’t be distracted from the show. I can already tell I don’t care what her show is about, I won’t do it. She’ll be the type of producer who wants a bastard like me until she gets a bastard like me.
She’s flirting away. I can’t tell if she can see that I’ve not even checked in. I look at a clock. It’s time for me to get back to the studio for some more futzing. So I look into her eyes and smile. She’s connected, she’s right there figuring her approach was going to win. She starts to go to her final approach when I hold a finger up to her lips and say,
“Shhhhh.” She stops talking for the first time. I make sure never to break eye contact. My finger is still aloft. She’s lost control and doesn’t like it. “I’m sure we can do something better with that mouth.” Her eyes widen. “Like shut it.”