Vanity Plate

I was standing outside talking with some people. I sort of drifted off because the conversation wasn’t all that interesting to me. I glanced at the cars parked around and saw a license plate with letters. I’m looking at it thinking,

‘Damn, I WILL read anything.’ When a female voice says,

“Are you looking at my plate?” I look at her then point to the car. She nods in a smiley fashion. “That’s my car.” She takes me by the arm and leads me over. The conversation has stopped and everyone’s paying attention to whatever this is. “Do you want to know what it means?”

Yes and no.

Yes, because, who wouldn’t? But no because she’s just a little too pleased with herself over this. I look at the plate and, for the life of me, can’t figure out what
I T M A P means. Maybe it does means IT MAP but that makes no sense to me. I look at her, forlorn that I do want to know. She squeals and says,

“It means I’m The Most Awesome Person!” There is no one on earth more pleased with herself right now than this woman. And we can’t have that happen now, can we boys and girls? I nod at her for a few seconds. My expression is not utter derision (proving just how damn good an actor I am) it’s one people could take as benign bemusement.

“Oh, that’s what it means?” She’s gleeful. I hate that. “Huh. I thought it meant I’ve Totally Mastered Ass Play.”

Ahhh, the world’s such a better place now.


3 responses to “Vanity Plate


  2. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties!

  3. what kind of an ego maniac would have that as a plate? jeez

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