New Insults

I was in a room with a group of people. Also known as a bar. As often happens in places like that with groups of people is someone is being loud. Everyone can hear each utterance from every lunkhead at the table.

Have you ever noticed it’s never someone being loud in a room screaming, “I’ve found a cure for cancer!”

It’s always some numb nut  who shouldn’t be giving anyone his opinion even if his life depended on it. On second thought, especially then.

The gist of his rant is of the general quality for chaps such as these. Of course there’s the leader of the pack. He’s not saying anything different than anyone else, just louder.

He, the dick in question, is of the Caucasian persuasion who blames everyone not of his ilk for all the horrendous events that have ever happened in the world even if that race, creed or gender wasn’t anywhere near that disaster at the time.

But logic is not a strong suit for guys (and why is it mostly guys you hear with this? Come on, gals! Take off those aprons! Stop breastfeeding that baby – or toddler if there are separation issues! Get on your soapbox – have a man flip it over for you so you don’t get splinters – and let us hear you roar!) like this. Whatever is wrong in the world, his real world invented for him by one of the many trusted news reporters and calm, reasoned radio broadcasters he mindlessly follows, could never, has never nor will be the fault of his kind.

I don’t think it was the mouthful of colorful phrases dribbling out of his spittle caked quivering lips that bothered the gentleman ten feet from me. I think he was pissed off at the length and all inclusiveness of the diatribe. His quiet was being disturbed.

I could tell he was going to say something. You’ve seen that moment before someone sitting there quietly while a maelstrom is winding around him is about to erupt. He was getting to it. But I could see his dilemma. Acting out would only reinforce this idiots views. I could see the battle behind his eyes.

Then, under his breath, as if he’s trying it out, he mumbles, “Fucking racists.”

“What did you say?”

How the fuck did he hear him? I barely heard him and I’m the closest person to him. I think folks like him are super tuned in to  those they rail against.

I see the guy also wondering how he heard him. Now he doesn’t know how to continue. Fighting verbal fire with fire with people like this never works. They won’t listen so all it ends up being is two sputtering idiots. And that’s exactly what he wants. To bring those he is prejudice against down to his level.

The guy looks at me. I smile. I lean over to him. He leans toward me.

“Don’t call them racists. That’s like a badge of honor. Call him what he really is.”

“What’s that?”

“Tighty whities.”

The guy laughs, sits back and laughs. Then he bellows loud enough to be heard across the street.

“I didn’t say anything to  you, you tighty whitey.” He keeps laughing while the guy doesn’t know what to do. He can defend racist, bigot and misogynistl. He’s got those loaded in his peashooter. But tighty whitey?

That’s a game changer.


4 responses to “New Insults

  1. At least one of them was wearing camo … am I right?

  2. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties!

  3. Women do bash. Just not the white women.

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