To show. . .

. . .(as if you needed it) that sometimes I take things too far (at least in some folks opinions), I was asked to write a thirty second ‘comedy ad’ for a ‘fake kids entertainer.’

Seems simple, huh? I figured I had twenty minutes to kill so I gave it a shot. I guess it’s up to you to tell me if I captured the spirit of the thing.

INT. Room Day
The Bobster is sitting on a chair with a guitar.

V/O
Coming to your area for the first time ever it’s the kiddie musical stylings of The Bobster! Pack the kiddies up and bring them around for a fun filled afternoon of hearing The Bobster sing his greatest hits. Hits you like like:

The Bobster (singing)
When you feel a little urge
And you know you wanna splurge
When you know you gotta poop
Say urrrgh

V/O
And how could you let your little loved ones go through life without knowing ratting is for jerks!

The Bobster
You’re lucky for your mother
and you’re lucky for your dad
so if you don’t want them to go
never tell the cops the things you know

V/O
Then there’s The Bobsters tale to brighten a little boys day.

The Bobster
Come on little boy
and wipe your tears
’cause grandpa can’t
touch you no more

V/O
And that’s not all! Who could forget The Bobsters back to school ditty!

The Bobster
It’s the first day of school
and it will only get better
if you don’t tell the kids
that you’re a bed wetter

V/O
Or his soothing night time song!

The Bobster
There are no monsters in the closet
There are no monsters in the closet
There are no monsters in the closet
They’re all ready in the room!

V/O
Then there’s the hit that got it all started for The Bobster!

The Bobster
It’s coloring time!
It’s coloring time!
So if you don’t want
Your father to die
Please make sure to
Stay between the lines!

V/O
Oh and don’t think The Bobster’s would forget to lay down a stern warning!

The Bobster
Don’t get into cars with strangers
Don’t get into cars with strangers
Don’t get into cars with strangers
And don’t play horsey with uncle Joe

V/O
And his song to soothe a little kids tears.

The Bobster
Hey little buddy
don’t you cry
Momma’ll find herself
another guy

V/O
And the uplifting song about that new baby coming home!

The Bobster
I know we had a new baby
but you don’t have to fret
mommy and daddy still love you
just a whole bitty bit bit less

V/O
And what kid can’t relate to the time they first try out adult words!

The Bobster
You know you’re not supposed
to say words like that
words like that words like that
You know you’re not supposed
to say words like that
do it again and I’ll kick your fucking ass! (swears will be beeped out of ad)

V/O
So get your tickets before the sell out! Come and listen to The Bobster and his entertaining musical stylings.

The Bobster
Come out and see The Bobster! We’ll all have a real good time!

FADE TO BLACK

Now that wasn’t so bad, was it? But it seems to me they won’t be asking me to submit anything again.

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One response to “To show. . .

  1. Quality work! Your rates should skyrocket!

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