Intellectually Superior

How come it happens that, when a group gathers, there’s always one asshole?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ve been the asshole at times (and don’t get so cocky yourself. I know some of you! I’ve been there) but it still amazes me that there always has to be one. They’d be so easy to avoid (“Oh no! It’s Fred! Scatter!”) if they didn’t come in so many varieties.

There’s the loud one; the opinionated one; the creepy one; the overly earnest one; there are so many of them I’m sure I could hit my word count just listing them but I think you get my gist.

As annoying as they all are one of the most annoying seems to encompass so many of the traits: The intellectually superior one. It could be one of the reasons they put the hole in bunghole is they often encase themselves in many other assy traits. Of course they’re opinionated but they’re often loud. They do lean towards an earnestness but only when pointing out your numerous faults. And, let’s be honest, anyone who makes a point to prove their intellectual superiority to you is damned creepy.

But that could just be me.

Some people were talking about nothing too daunting. They’re all bright people (some in their own way, if you get my drift) and, although there’s not much heavy lifting going on, it’s an enjoyable conversation.


He spoke.

He’d been adding to most conversations but I guess he hadn’t come to his boiling point yet. There’s only so much a man can take. And I guess he took all he could. He begins to hijack any possible conversation with a loud (see!) and opinionated (See!) ramble. When someone would attempt to disagree he’d be very earnest (SEE!) while delighting in, in not proving them wrong, obfuscating the topic so discourse was impossible.

What’s that? I didn’t say he was creepy? Did I have to? Sheesh!

The only good thing about the IS crowd is when they’re talking to you that are TALKING TO YOU. Staring at nothing else is a laughable attempt was not only intimidation but also making sure you pay attention to nothing other than them.

What’s good about that is, when he goes in for his next victim, everyone else is free to look around and roll our eyes, check watches, quickly polish off whatever solid or liquid is in front of us to make this horror end.

The IS noticed that people were preparing to depart (can’t fool an IS for long, bitches!) so he took the opportunity to let us know he was quite dismayed at our lack of fealty.

“I hate when people don’t appreciate my intelligence.”

(I will answer your question now, yes, that is exactly what he said)

Everyone stops for a beat. That’s the sort of sentence that proves the guys inclusion in the asshole hall of fame, but it also tends to freeze people. Good thing I carry a blowtorch with me.

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate you’re intelligence.” I say allowing others to slowly begin their escape. “It’s just that we have little need for a master of doucheology.”


5 responses to “Intellectually Superior

  1. wow sounds like a great time!

  2. Ph.d of doucheology. If, you please. My God I hate it when the Plebeians get it wrong.

  3. A “master of doucheology.” …Yeah, like an MD ?

  4. I bet that statement really “cleaned him out” … and left him feeling fresh !!!!!

  5. I thought it was an ASSociate degree.

    Quick get me to a doctor of mixology

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