It’s something people seem to think I do often. I disagree. I think I am taking a proactive approach to being left alone. But, you say tomato I say fuck off, ass ears.

I am attempting to take care of a persons issue. It’s not a difficult issue. But, it does require the attention of the person whose problem it is.

Trouble is, I’m not getting that. From the moment she entered she’s barely had time to look up from texting to even get out what problem it is she wants me to handle.

I ignore this, explain what she needs to do to remedy her problem then ask her a question so I can precisely fix her problem. To which I get this answer,

“Clickety click clackety clack clackclackclack clack click.”

Sensing the problem that forced her to leave her home and drive to me is less important than her texting I decide to give her some alone time so walk away.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hear a human voice. “Don’t fucking walk away from me! That’s rude, you rude fucking prick.”

Wow! A double rude with a prick chaser! Impressive.

The problem at hand is, all the responses in my head will, undoubtedly, render me unemployable at this, and potentially, most other establishments. I’ll have to wait, be patient, and see if I get an opening that, although maybe not as satisfying, won’t get me canned.

So I walk over to her and say,

“I’m sorry you feel that way. It seemed to me you were engrossed in texting so I figured whatever your issue you needed my help with was of less importance.”

“Of course it’s fucking important! Why else would I fucking come here?”

“To get my advice on your issue which, while you were texting, I offered.”

“Yeah? What was it?”

“I gave you that information and now I must take care of this next customer. Good luck.”

I go to the other customer and, of course, she caused a ruckus and said she’d have my job.

“Here ya go.” I reply handing her the card of my boss. “I’m sure he’ll be excited to see your resume. And, if you get the job, you’ll see just how much fun it is to deal with people like yourself.”


13 responses to “Rudeness

  1. It might have been funnier to get her more pissed off if you were pretending that you were texting someone while she was yelling at you.

    Maybe you should get a megaphone, like Bobcat in “Windy City Heat”, to respond to the mouth breathers who come in to annoy you. Just drown them out with an it’s-one-louder-than-you attitude: ” …AND, IF YOU GET THE JOB, YOU’LL SEE JUST HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF!!!”

  2. next time tell her you’ll text her the answer.

  3. Excellent suggestions both, Earl. While you’re getting me one of those bullhorns for Xmas are you also going to get me one of those goofy hats he wore?

  4. Nice, retort with the biz card…Ah, people ! Can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em without consequences !

  5. Maybe some bad advice would work in this situation.
    Let her clean out a wound with vinegar, sleep with Carrottop or watch a 2009 SNL Marathon.

  6. Damn, dude! And here I thought I was the mean one! Even I wouldn’t have gone Carrot Top on her ass.

  7. Rude is placing her outside the building and hosing her down with h2o, then helping HER get out of the ICE CASTING with HER still inside using a RUSTY ice pick, also not looking where your swinging with full force the ice pick. THAT’S RUDE CRUDE and she deserves that so don’t be RUDE give it 2 her, LIKE “LIZZY” BORDON

  8. Ew! Gross! Carrottop!

  9. just the word combination of “Carrottop on her ass” conjures up a frightening image of molestation….

  10. My god, are you the man! WTF is up with people these days? I CAN NOT STAND people who incessantly text.

    You wanna hear my rude sob story–I got fired yesterday while being on a short medical leave via FedEx letter. They spent $20 to send me a letter rather than email or call me to ask how much longer would I be off and how was I doing.

  11. I remember being in people’s houses where they’d have a telephone table and, in a drawer, a phone book. I love phone books. Over the years I’ve found many character names in them (many times I’d combine names to fit my needs). But there was always a page or two I found odd. It was on telephone etiquette. I mean, who wouldn’t know telephone etiquette?

    Sadly, it would be half the book now.

    Ummm, not to be rude, but, what the fuck? Okay, I’m sure we’ll all agree that what they did was morally reprehensible but, isn’t it somehow illegal? If you’re on official leave aren’t you untouchable? I know a guy who was out for months who waltzed in without missing a beat. Amazing.

    But, look on the bright side, at least they didn’t text you.

    To all employees:
    Those who are still employed by this company please respond to this text. Not so fast, GG!

  12. Not to go all “employment” on everyone, but they can “eliminate the entire position” and get away with it.

  13. That’s exactly what I thought but it didn’t seem that way to me.

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