What is it about me. . .

. . .that makes people tell me what I should be doing with my life?

And how come they never tell me I should grab a beach chair and retire to an island?

It’s always something like,

“You should be more serious.”

“You really should be kinder to your fellow being.”

“You positively should take my head out of this vice immediately!”

As I’ve pointed out here on a few occasions, fuck you and your opinions. If I wanted your opinion I’d give it to you then beat it out of you then scoff at you for being so easily lead by someone of such low moral standard.

Another one of these do-gooders was spraying their do-good juice all over my frontage. Why is it these giving folk have to continue to the point of giving you the details of all the wondrous things they do? Seriously, I’m glad you spend your time and money teaching left-handed, albino dwarfs the benefit of sunblock but why do you have to talk about it?

Trust me, I volunteer my time to many things. Legally it may be considered terms of probation but I’m still putting the time in! The difference is you’ll never hear me talk about it. What happened to the days of humbleness? If someone thanked you you’d avert your eyes with a ‘no problem, don’t mention it’ wave. And you meant it. Now if someone gives ten bucks to People for the Ethical Treatment of Atheists they get pissed if there’s not a video game hero based on them.

“It’s so rewarding, Chris. You really should get involved!”

“I’d like to,” I lie. “But, I’ve got my own thing going.”

“Oh yeah?” They do not hide their skepticism.

“Yeah,” I lie giving credence to their skepticism. “I volunteer at a local senior center.”

“Really?” Their skepticism dwindles to disbelief.

“Yeah. I run the dead pool.”


8 responses to “What is it about me. . .

  1. You know you should really write more blogs…

  2. You really should positively defiantly have a Heineken or two or more!

  3. Maybe you should grab a beach chair and retire to an island ….

  4. I KNOW you last two are patronizing me!

  5. Hey bud! You know we always got a place for you here in sunny FLA! Beaches bimbos and no need to bring the beach chair. It’s all here and the beers on ice!!
    The Fish

  6. Will you give me 3 to 1 on Edna in Room 117?

  7. It’s that room, ITBOMJ! I swear it’s cursed!

  8. I love this line:

    “As I’ve pointed out here on a few occasions, fuck you and your opinions.”

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