“I’ve been working on an integrated sub-system of rectified and dynamic aggregation for the multi-level processing of local and global modularity in the pending vortal framework.” He chuckles wholeheartedly. “And we’d already be done IF we could get those chuckleheads in marketing to see the big picture.”
“Ha! Yeah! Marketing chuckleheads!” I chuckle halfheartedly.
I will admit that his paragraph may not be exactly as stated but, believe me, it sounded stupider and went on much longer. I know how busy you are so I thought I’d take a hedge trimmer to his verbiage.
“So,” asks this man as interested in my answer as he is my taking the hedge trimmer to him. “What have you been doing?”
I know! You’d think the word would be out by now. I really don’t mind the question but I’d like you to get to it quickly so we can move on.
“Hi, Chris! What have you been doing?”
“Not much. You?”
“Well, I’ve been working on an integrated sub. . .”
“. . .want a beer?”
“. . .syste. . .yeah!”
You see, in polite society we don’t actually ask you what you’re doing to get a reply. We ask it to give us a little time to make sure the bar has our adult frosty beverage of our choice.
Trust me, it’s safer because, while your talking no one is listening to you. Some people may be fantasizing about the most horrific ways to kill you while others, such as myself, spend the time coming up with an answer to your question that will force you to listen if only so you have a vivid image in your head that will cause a psychological breakdown if you ever broach this subject again.
“I’m glad you ask,” I lie. “I actually shot the pilot for a game show. It was pretty cool and we have a good feeling that it’ll get picked up.”
“What’s it called?” He gobbles the bait.
“It’s a youth market show called Extreme Circumcision.” Here is when I have to work fast before he wraps his head around that idiotic phrase. “We pit three doctors or moyles, we were going to call it Extreme Bris but that didn’t test well, against each other to see who can do the most circumcisions in one minute. It got pretty intense. The audience was going crazy screaming, ‘go for skin, go for skin’ and there was skin and blood everywhere. Screaming kids. Crying parents. The winner did thirteen circumcisions and one sex change. He was docked two clean cuts for the snip or he would have had fifteen. We feel pretty good about the concept.”
Then I stand there.
And watch as they back into the night.
Never to small talk again.