The only difference between an ex-wife and the government is the government keeps fucking you after you send them a check.
A carnival and paying taxes have a lot in common. After the ride I feel sick and ripped off.
Rocker Melissa Etheridge and her actress partner Tammy Etheridge have split after nearly nine years. When reached for comment David Crosby said, “I hope they don’t think I’m taking the kids.”
It turns out that Elizabeth Taylor is not going to marry her 49 year old manager, Jason Winters. Which is a shame because I picked out quite the gift from their registry at The Scooter Store.
A very conciseness guy I know came up to me and asked, “Would you you like to come to a fund-raising dance for MS?”
“Hell no!” I said. “That’s just mean. It’s like having karaoke for stutters.”
A kid I know is graduation high school so they have to do a final project. This kid is asking people a question and videoing their answer.
“What advice would you give kids graduating high school?”
Now I do know the answer I should give. Something uplifting, solid, useful. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to accomplish that. He pointed the camera at me and I said,
“Never patronize a psychic with a doorbell.”