I’ve said as a writer you need thick skin. Trust me, more people are going to hate you than like you. That said, sometimes it’s just so damn fun to have them hate you.
Case in point. A guy, an earnest, folk singing man, asked my advice about adding some levity to his act. His problem isn’t that he’s not fun to be around, he can’t get the funny to work in his writing.
He asked if I’d help. He told stories about being on the road, doing one night stands and a stupid (I now know) idea popped into my head so I wrote down this set of lyrics:
I’ve been doing one night stands
For a couple decades now
Traipsing down from town to town
Where there’s a bar and friendly boudoir
I’ll admit I’ve forgotten shows
Before the night through
But I never forget the ones who stay
Long after it’s last call
But that’s because I rhyme ’em
It’s a little trick I pull
I pick a town then pick a girl
If they both sound out the same
It started at my first show
At a Main street bluesy bar
When Janice from Hyannis
Took me to the submarine races
There was Lorilee from Kissimmee
And Myrna from down in Smyrna
Two bouncy twins from Abilene
One named Abby the other Colleen
Becky from Tribeca
Judy from Port Moody
It got a little rough in Council Bluff
With a biker chick named Syl
Patty from Paducah
Winona from Wihona
Terry from Roxbury
And Minnie from McMinnville
I’ll admit to being hazy
On just one of my gals
A little cutie from Tuckahoe
who sure did like to. . .Flo!
Is her name so my lists complete
But I wasn’t always got lucky
There’s a city I’ll never play again
The one in New Jersey called Orange
Okay, there ya go. Stupid, trifling do nothing set of lyrics.
Well, that’s what you think.
He showed it to his wife and she was thisclose to divorcing him because she thought it was a song about his on the road assignations.
He tried to explain that I, noted wise ass, was in fact the lyricist with the potentially puerile past. But she didn’t buy it.
She called me and I told pretty much the same story. It took her awhile but she came around. I mean, he didn’t even know where Wihona was!
It took her only a minute, a short little breath, for her to rear back and call me every name in the book and even a few in the Bible.
I am the most loathsome, horrible man ever and, as if that attack on my personal person wasn’t enough, she has forbidden her husband from ever associating with me.
Someone sure needs to get laid.