I hate that question. I don’t know why. I guess it’s one of those, ‘I don’t know what to say but if I don’t say something we’ll have that awkward silence that unnerves folks so’ questions.
Trust me, people who feel the need to have that thought while around me, if you think silence is awkward just wait until I speak.
I have a standard response, “Prison. I was a guard. They needed a favor. It paid off for the both of us.” But sometimes, I don’t know what it is, maybe my ass is in full hole that day, but sometimes I take it other places.
Such as last night. A group of people asked how I met my girlfriend. I think another reason I find this a stupid question is the answer is usually boring.
And ya’ll know me. I hate to bore.
“I was walking down the street one afternoon. It was pouring and cold. It was one of those days when your balls try to get promoted so they can live inside your body.”
Was how I chose to begin.
“Up ahead I could see a figure standing outside their car. From the sidewalk I couldn’t tell they had a flat but that became evident rapidly.
As I approached I noticed it was a rather attractive woman and she was sobbing. I asked if she was okay and she said she couldn’t get her tire changed. I figured I wasn’t going to get any wetter so I told her to go across the street to the restaurant and I’d come in when I was done.
At first she was reluctant, who wouldn’t be? But she really had no option so she ran into the restaurant. I started changing the tire and about twenty minutes later I went to the restaurant to give her the keys.
She was very appreciative. She got a towel and dried me off and, even better, bought me a beer. We sat there for a few hours talking. It was very enjoyable. We had a lot in common and a ton of laughs.”
I stopped and looked at the people. They were eating it up. I have to admit, it is a very nice story. I smiled, looked at my girlfriend, put my hand on her shoulder and said,
“Later that evening, I met her in a biker bar.”