Xmas ’09 Poem

Stockings were torn
from ankle to thong
due to the frenzied
maniacal throng.

They grasped and they clawed
ripped a zhu zhu in two.
A grandmother shoved me
while screaming ‘Fuck you!’

I watched in amazement
as a mother of six
with an arm full of adverts
furrowed brow and began tricks.

She pummeled and elbowed
and smashed through the crowd
grabbing boxes, leaving corpses
she’d make Liz Lambert proud.

On Debt Watch , Foreclosure
and Stimulus Foe.
On Credit and Lay-A-Way
lead by Negative Cash Flow

I just had to follow
as she tore through the store
and wondered what happened
to the Christmas of yore?

When Families all gathered
around lights every night.
All faces shiny, all smiles bright
as we gazed at each other in the flickering light.

I wandered all wistful to my boyhood days.
To photos inside Santa’s red sleigh.
Then it dawned all quite sudden
that it was never that way.

The gnash and the pressure
was just as intense.
All the hustle and bustle
it never made sense.

Like the year dear old Nana
shattered her hip
reaching for that GI Joe
with the strong kung fu grip.

It was always such bullshit
when you look at those days.
Dad was always quite hammered
and that uncle quite handsy.

Mom always ended up crying
pissed because only she was trying.
Your cousins and nephews
and all their useless junk.

But it must be worth saving
these traditions of ours.
Or why would we keep them
and make them all ours?

So put on your game face
and sucker punch that twit
’cause for holiday survival
it’s either got or get shit.

Bound & Gags would like to take this moment to (offer you the generic greeting that fits with your holiday beliefs, traditions, mood) and hope that you and yours (obtain whatever unrealistic goal you which to achieve) for the rest of your life (our sincerity may vary).

11 responses to “Xmas ’09 Poem

  1. And a merry fucking xmas to you too B&G. 😀 This poem was very moving, even with my varying sincerity.

    Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?
    -Ebenezer Scrooge

  2. “Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”

    “If they would rather die,” said Scrooge, “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”

    If Christmas were about the shopping, I’d agree wholeheartedly. But I’ve all but given up on the shopping aspect, and then it’s something boring and consumable, like Brita filters or Parmesan cheese I can grate fresh and package up.

    Of course, not everyone appreciates that program, but I’m sticking with it.

    Thanks to you for a year of wit and insights.

  3. And who says that the “Holiday Spirit” is gone?

  4. What pretty little boy picture was you??? Well you might’ve been mugging SANTA in decoy!!

  5. I didn’t live in Decoy you twerp. I mugged him in Dorchester just like we were taught. As far as the photos, I ‘borrowed’ them. I don’t know anyone in any of them.

  6. lalalalalala....

    Set it to music, and you’ve got an instant classic!

  7. For some reason I never knew what’s-her-face was in the vacation movies. Sorry that this is what I picked to comment on after reading that wonderful post, but, really, I thought that other chubby little girl was in all of them. I’m so confused …

  8. Harvey Wharfield

    So, how do you really feel about Christmas ? Kinda like going back to the olde days !

    An Olde Fashion New England Christmas ?…
    Not ! The good old days were a little weird…

    http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/12/20/christmas_was_a_riot/

  9. I didn’t see proof that the stockings were torn all the way to the thong.

  10. Thank God that we have grown enough as a society that women aren’t “Liz Lambert-ing” over striped pants like those any longer.

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