A Phone Call

“Is this Pakky’s liquors?”

“No.”

“Do you deliver?”

“No.”

“Did you ever deliver?”

“No.”

“What time do you close?”

“Six.”

“Isn’t that early for a liquor store?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“Because we’re not a liquor store.”

There was a pause.

“Did I dial the wrong number?”

“Yes.”

End of conversation.

Thirty seconds later phone rings.

Yep.

“Is this Pakky’s?”

“Yes.”

“Do you deliver?”

“Yes.”

“Good. The other guy said you didn’t.”

“He must be new. What would you like?”

She gives me the order.

“That’ll be $64.75 and it has to be paid in cash.”

“No problem.”

“And the order can only be given to someone with a valid state ID.”

“Yeah, okay, yeah.”

“What’s the address?”

“Seventeen Cleveland street. How long will it take?”

“About half an hour. But if we’re late let me give you the number of our direct delivery line so you can complain.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have a pen?”

“Let me get one.”

She goes away for a moment. I can hear 3-4 voices in the background. She comes back.

“Okay.”

“6 1 7 5 5 5 7 1 7 1.”

“6 1 7 5 5 5 7 1 7 1.”

“Great. Make sure to call if he’s not there in half an hour. We’ve been having trouble with our delivery guy lately. They may give you a coupon or something to make up for it.”

“Okay.”

Are you wondering what number I gave her to complain?

Business line for the local police.

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3 responses to “A Phone Call

  1. Alcoholic Anonymous would have been a cool number to give also…

    I really have to start playing with people when they dial the wrong number…and I have a digital recorder with me almost always. I get three calls a week for a public library. I should get some material ready to use on them…and even get it recorded.

  2. My cell phone number is on the front page of the daily paper that goes out to a million plus people — for the second time in a couple of months. The # on the paper is actually a toll-free number, but it is (A) selling Medicare supplement insurance so we’re dealing with oldsters here and (B) a local company so said oldsters think that just dropping those first 3 digits will get it done. Since I’m ridiculously nice (and respectful of oldsters – at least those who aren’t immediately pissing me off), I have changed my voicemail message to give proper instruction and am just ignoring my phone.

    But now I’m thinking that I’m ready to have everyone I know start calling the toll-free # twice a day and demand to speak to me. I don’t think anyone could have more fun with it than you.

  3. I once had a number that was close to a pizza place. I found when I did the right thing people would give me shit. So I started taking orders, giving two for one specials, tell them they delivered when I knew they didn’t, whatever I could think of. Every once in a while I’d be combative and insulting to the caller. If I try to do the right thing and it doesn’t work out, well, it’s a moral imperative for me to at least have fun.

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