Random Brain Pops

Although these two things don’t have anything to really do with each other they are in the same format so I’m lumping them together.

I was doing cat maintenance when Closer by Nine Inch Nails came on. And this popped into my head:

Closer by Nine Inch Kitties

You better listen it’s true.
You are trained to take my cue.
You have to work till you’re through.
You better do what you do.

Feed me; I better get my kibble.
Feed me; I’ve got no time to waste.
Feed me; the only thing that works for me
Feed me I can’t get it myself.

I want to eat this like an animal!
I want to put it in my inside!
I want to eat this like an animal!
My whole existence is flawed.
You got opposable thumbs.

You can have my stinky doo doo.
You can have the smell that it brings.
You can have my absence of faith.
You can have my everything.

Feed me; take down my cat food.
Feed me; it’s the tuna I smell.
Feed me; you make it perfect.
Feed me then go anywhere else.

I want to eat this like an animal!
I want to put it in the inside!
I want to eat this like an animal!
Would you like your face clawed?
Then feed me before the dog.

Chew every morsel, never say please.
Filling my stomach, licked off my knees.
I eat the food that helps me to survive.
It’s the reason I stay in this dive.

I was talking to someone who fancies himself a comedy writer. He was trying to be out there but it wasn’t working. He was sounding like a ranting mad man. I told him he was pushing it and it wasn’t working.

He, of course, said bad things about me and said, “Oh yeah, if it’s so easy why don’t you come up with something?”

I don’t get writerly competition. It makes no sense to me. I may have to compete with you for work but I don’t get why they have to resort to snaps.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always take the challenge. I may not understand why but it doesn’t mean Mrs. Zell raised no coward.

I prattled off about ten things lickety-split, just idiotic mis-matched phrasing, before he asked me to stop.

When he left I had a bunch of random dumbness with no good use. Whenever that happens to me I just write some lyrics.

Standing here thinking
My fantastical thoughts
While twirling away
With my armpit hair

Such as, how do we get buttermilk
When there ain’t no butter teets?
I think the thoughts that hit my head
Like putty ain’t silly and is Abe Vigoda dead?


Thinking the thoughts
That may sound bright
The truth bares out
They only bring fright

Who is anti-gravity?
It’s such a cool thing
Can you abort a born again
In the first trimester?

Would you like Hitler better
If he had a fu manchu?
Did the guy who invented the vacuum
Have a thing against cats?

Thinking the thoughts
That may sound bright
The truth bares out
They only bring fright

Wouldn’t it be cool if
baseball really used bats?
How come they get so pissed
When I crap in their dumpster?

I can’t believe the girl scouts
Rejected my perfectly slogan
Make s’mores, not whores
Sounds like a winner to me

As tough as it would be
To be an outgoing agrophobe
It’d be a much harder life
Being a priest with tourettes

Thinking the thoughts
That may sound bright
The truth bares out
They only bring fright

I’d love to be a secret agent
. . .or do I?
All these thoughts prove is
The boy just ain’t right.


One response to “Random Brain Pops

  1. Hitler absolutely would have looked better with a fu manchu (have you considered a political advisory position?) The word “teet” is fantastic. I would watch baseball if they used real bats, but not until. “Make s’mores, not whores” is accurate from my experience with the Girl Scouts.

    Finally, have you seen the Robin Williams comedy thing on HBO? One of his best lines is about how even people with Tourette’s shake their heads over the things Joe Biden regularly has to say. :p)

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