Signs Are There

We’re sitting at this seaside bar watching the ships and boats and dogs on jet skis go by. Suddenly, unexpectedly, unwantedly, a guy decides to share his good news with us.

“Hey, I gotta tell ya something.”

Why? That’s always a question when some stranger, especially someone we’ve had no contact with, decides to tell us something.

We look at him as he sideways smiles at us. His lady friend slowly spins her chair, I’d have to assume, to gauge our reaction to this something he has to tell us.

“I proposed to my girlfriend last night.”

‘Good on ya, mate!” I say with as much enthusiasm I can muster. To say the enthusiasm was between getting information about someone’s new office chair and their toe nail collection would be pretty precise.

It’s not to say I’m not happy for them it’s just that I know he’s going to have to keep talking. And, you know what? He didn’t let me down.

He tells me they were together as kids, split, he married someone who died, he got engaged to someone else who died, and now they’re engaged.

I look at her for a second then to him then to my girlfriend. My girlfriend, bless her heart, is the only one who’s view is askew.

I look at the girl, lean in, she follows, expecting some words of goodwill, and I say,

“Can I take out life insurance on you?”

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8 responses to “Signs Are There

  1. Seems like a perfectly good investment.

  2. Girlfriend is a nurse, if I remember correctly. Hence skewed glance? Would like to have seen her expression after your query! Priceless?

    Simple TMI converted to comedy by your alchemy. Wicked! I lolled, for realz.

    Really. Thanks.

  3. Don’t blame it on her being a nurse, David! That’s pretty much her normal expression. But it was a good one. Much more pointed than usual.

  4. GF was probably figuring the odds on when you could collect on that policy!

    We (nurses) do it all the time–look at people and diagnose their conditions and diseases, and gauge how long they have left to walk the earth and bug us.

    In fact, my opinions are in on several of you, and let me just say this: prepaid funeral arrangements can save your loved one SO much money.

  5. It’s true. She does that all the time. She’ll tell me what someone has or is going to have. And yes, she told me. She said I’d most likely have a traumatic head injury in my sleep.

    The medical profession is magic!

  6. maybe you should start sleeping with a helmet

  7. Sorry, Lucy, I’m not gay.

    Oh, you said helmut not Helmut. Sorry. My mistake.

    As you can see, with my concussion collection neither would be of much assistance.

  8. Maybe I’m being cranky, but in response to an unsolicited, ” I proposed to my girlfriend last nite”, I think I’d be inclined to respond with:

    “That’s great, because she and I fucked all day before she met you last nite. She’s all yours, man.”

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