Tourist?

The door opens and a man, a grown man, walks in.

“Can you come outside to give me a hand?”

I do not know the guy but he seems nice. So I am leery off the bat. But, I follow my instincts and go. I mean, it can’t be worse than earlier this week when a guy walked in asking if I could throw something away for him.

It was a dead frog.

So I step outside and the guy is joyous. Oh oh. People carrying dead animals? Prepared for. Happy people? Uncharted territory.

As I walk past him to get a little distance between us he reaches out and hands me his phone. Does he want me to give someone directions? Does he want me to give someone information? Am I being recruited into some weird phone sex ring?

“Can you take my picture?”

Very weird phone sex ring.

I’m still looking at him hoping, wishing, dreaming he’d give me a clue as to what the fuck is going on. I watch him stand in front of our door. He’s straightening himself out to make it the best picture a Samsung Shitty Shot can take. Satisfied, he says,

“Make sure you get the address sign.”

I frame him and the sign in the low resolution Shitty Shot screen and click off a shot.

“One more.”

I wait while he poses again. This time a surprised expression crosses his face as he points at the address. Silently, I snap off another shot.

“Thanks.” He says bounding toward me. I hand him the camera. “This is great. This is awesome. A great day, let me tell you.” I nod, again in silence, and begin to step around him.

But I can’t do it. I can’t leave just yet so I turn around, look at his glowing face and say,

“What the fuck are you doing?”

At first he’s startled. Then I see it slowly dawn over his face.

“Oh yeah, you don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Even worse, what I’m doing.”

Now he seems a little sheepish. He closes his camera, protecting his newly prized pictures, and says,

“The street name is my name.”

What do you say to that? To a man, a grown man, who can become so excited he’d pull his vehicle into a parking lot to get a photo op with an address sign like it’s a copyrighted cartoon character?

“Would you like to visit our gift shop?”

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8 responses to “Tourist?

  1. Ah, I’m SO proud of you! You did a good deed! Ain’t that sweet.

  2. Geez. Doesn’t he know that the proper response to “the street name is my name” is not to take a photo but to steal the street sign?

    What the fuck are they teaching kids these days, anyway?

  3. > IdeaJump:
    > Ah, I’m SO proud of you! You did a good deed!
    Aw, geez, that means I’m going to have to be mean to someone. I can’t ying without yanging, ya know.

    But, honestly, I think I was tricked into a good deed, Idea. Does it count when you deed well against your will?

    > Taoist Biker:
    > Doesn’t he know that the proper response
    > to “the street name is my name” is not to
    > take a photo but to steal the street sign?
    > What the fuck are they teaching kids these
    > days, anyway?
    Obviously not the three R’s: Robbin’, Rippin’ & Runnin’!

  4. I had a long comment here but then I realized it wasn’t fit for print.

  5. Pishaw, you say!

    Melady, have you forgotten from whence you have gathered?

    Or my email address?

  6. I don’t get it.

  7. I didn’t know you worked on “DUMB-ASS BLVD.”

  8. Oh I so completely hate excitable people.

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