A guy said, “I don’t know what it was. About six weeks ago something knocked me out.”
I said, “Was it a boxer?”
A woman asked, “Why would your wood smell?”
I answered, “Anal sex?”
A man who knew me when I was a tennis player said, “You would have been great if you’d played with more emotion.”
I answered, “My Mother was emotional and she was a horrible tennis player.”
A woman griped, “I’ve had no confidence lately.”
I offered, “Then lower the confidence of everyone around you.”
A woman eating a snack asked, “Did you taste this?”
I responded, “No, it’s in your mouth.”
A woman asked what I did for a living.
“I’m a stripper.”
“A male stripper?”
A telephone solicitor said, “Can I speak with the person who handles your telephone carrier?”
I answered, “We don’t have a telephone.” And hung up.
“I’m the same weight as when I was in school. I love saying that. It’s why I stay in night school.”
A guy likes to rile my girlfriend up. I’ve told her not to pay attention but that’s impossible. I told her I’d take care of him but she’s a big girl.
He said I was gay (of course he used another term) which pissed her off because he said it when I wasn’t there. It pissed her off for whatever reason and he got his way.
A few weeks later I ran into him. Now I’m not defending her, I’m defending myself.
“So, I heard you called me gay.”
“The only way someone could say that with any authority is if they blew me.”
Oh boy! You would have thought I’d called him. . .ooops!