Things I’ve Recently Said

A guy said, “I don’t know what it was. About six weeks ago something knocked me out.”

I said, “Was it a boxer?”

A woman asked, “Why would your wood smell?”

I answered, “Anal sex?”

A man who knew me when I was a tennis player said, “You would have been great if you’d played with more emotion.”

I answered, “My Mother was emotional and she was a horrible tennis player.”

A woman griped, “I’ve had no confidence lately.”

I offered, “Then lower the confidence of everyone around you.”

A woman eating a snack asked, “Did you taste this?”

I responded, “No, it’s in your mouth.”

A woman asked what I did for a living.

“I’m a stripper.”

“A male stripper?”

“Amazingly, no.”

A telephone solicitor said, “Can I speak with the person who handles your telephone carrier?”

I answered, “We don’t have a telephone.” And hung up.

“I’m the same weight as when I was in school. I love saying that. It’s why I stay in night school.”

A guy likes to rile my girlfriend up. I’ve told her not to pay attention but that’s impossible. I told her I’d take care of him but she’s a big girl.

He said I was gay (of course he used another term) which pissed her off because he said it when I wasn’t there. It pissed her off for whatever reason and he got his way.

A few weeks later I ran into him. Now I’m not defending her, I’m defending myself.

“So, I heard you called me gay.”

Silence.

“The only way someone could say that with any authority is if they blew me.”

Oh boy! You would have thought I’d called him. . .ooops!

Advertisements

One response to “Things I’ve Recently Said

  1. “A male stripper?” 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s