I got the call that told me it’s time to post this so, sadly, here it is.
I got a call from a guy I knew quite well. Although he reads my crap we hadn’t been in actual contact for some time but I remember him fondly.
Turns out the years haven’t been kind to him. He works in a very dangerous profession and it’s finally going to kill him.
He was always a fun living guy, quick with a quip, always ready for a good time. So it’s quite bothersome for him to be dying around all these morbid people.
So he asked me a favor. Just a little remembrance. A touch of the old funny to shuffle him off this mortal coil.
I couldn’t use his name. Oooo! This is getting easy!
Any of the stories I have about him. Excellent! The simple gets simpler!
Or anything that would identify his locale. Bet you didn’t know I knew Dick Cheney, did ya?
He also wanted it soon (time is not on his side) and he had to laugh.
Okay, what to do, what to do.
Without the ability to tell you of the hair-raising and brained schemes we’d concocted and not being able to tell you anything about him (truth is, he wanted it that way because his family would hunt me down and kill me if they knew we were having a josh at the situation) it was a little troubling until this popped into my head.
He gave that a nod of approval with, wouldn’t ya know, caveats. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He’s just dying, he’s not the emperor of the world.
His request, his dying request as he pointed out, was, due to the fact that he’s an Irish rat bastard (no mad responses from my Irish brothers and sisters, I’m an Irish rat bastard my own damn self) he’d like a little of the old sod in a tune.
So, after telling me I had to get his approval before he died and not to publish until he was no more (damn, I don’t remember him being so picky. Maybe he was and that’s why I didn’t see him much) he left me alone to get to work while he got back to his dying.
I sat there thinking of what to do. I always liked Crash Test Dummies ‘At My Funeral’ but, as funny as I find that song, I don’t think it has the funny we’re looking for here.
Suddenly, it hit me.
So, because I don’t have time to spare, here ya go you rotting piece of shit!
Let the player come up (I guess it took a few seconds for it to come up for him and don’t think he didn’t bitch about my wasting his time!) and the three songs will play.
Gonna miss ya, pal.
Give me one more yeehaa out there!