It Ain’t Easy

Even when I’m not trying to be funny or a wise ass or afuckingnnoying (how my girlfriend sees it), when I’m doing something someone asked me to do specifically, things can go horribly awry.

I was asked to help someone remove a sign from the side of a building (legally. Not even quasi-legally like when I was asked to help someone chop a car into tiny little pieces). Not a problem. A couple of ladders, a few minutes and I’ll be back to conjuring my plans for world domination (hint: it hinges upon my ability to corner the pudding market).

I get my side of the sign off easily. The other guy struggles a little. Just enough to throw him off balance. I see a moment of panic on his face as a foot flails. I take the weight of the sign and say,

“I’ll take it. I’m more stable than you.”

He releases the sign and I begin my descent. After a second he hops down the ladder and rushes over to me. I think he’s going to take the sign so hold it out as he says,

“What the fuck do you mean, you’re more stable than me? What kind of bullshit is that?”

I look at his angry face and know better than to laugh.

“Up to this moment I was talking about your footing on the ladder.”

I hit the ground, hand him the sign and say,

“But from here on out let’s consider it a blanket statement.”


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