Man Of Honor

I just had the ‘man of honor’ conversation. He’s like the previously bitched about ‘Do The Right Thing’ guy (here’s that story) but the difference is…HA… joking. There is no difference.

Let’s roll a transcript:

Me: You’ve been telling me, for the last twenty minutes, you’re a man of honor.
Him: No question.
Me: For that same twenty minutes you’ve been trying to beat me out of fifty bucks by any means you could think of.
Him: That is not true. I would never do that.
Me: Really? Then pay me what you owe me.
Him: Oh, well, you know, it’s that. . .
Edited for sanity and brevity. You’re welcome.
Me: Stop. I’m sick of hearing it. We went through this two months ago. What makes you think the outcome will be different?
Him: No, we didn’t.
I hand him a piece of paper.
Me: You don’t remember this transaction?
The paper, signed and dated by him, states, on his honor, that he won’t be a douche bag (or words more fitting a legalese document). He looks at it.
Him: I never signed that.
Me: Very honorable.
I point behind me to the camera.
Me: Would you like me to roll the tape of you signing it?
Him: Blusters and carries on.
Me: Listen, you can take your man of honor shit and fuck off.
Him: You can’t talk to me like that!
Me: So it’s fair for you to call me a fucking asshole, your exact words of less than two minutes ago, but I’m sure you’re having selective memory about that, but I can’t tell you I’m sick of dealing with your conniving bullshit? I guess the rules are different for a man of honor, huh?
Him: Carries on some more.
Me: Knock off your bullshit, we both know you’re full of shit and won’t be happy until you get away with something. So let me tell you what’s going to happen, you’re going to take your honorable ass out of my building, never even drive past again, and the next time you hear from us it will be in the representation of a rather dishonorable debt collector.
Him: Why do you have to be such an asshole?
Me: I am but a mirror.

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3 responses to “Man Of Honor

  1. “Really? Then pay me what you owe me.”

    This is where the conversation should end. You went for the knockout punch here. Something tells me that you have been dealing with this person for a while. Were they drunk during this conversation?

    It is similar to conversation I have had with laborers on Thursday afternoon when they were trying to borrow more money for beer (checks come on Friday in the construction word because if you give it to them on Thursday, they don’t show on Friday)

    • You’d think that’s where it would stop, wouldn’t you? But the end statement in often considered nothing more than a negotiation ploy in my world.

      No, they weren’t drunk. Just belligerent. Ass the assholedom, none of the crystal clear streams.

      That Thursday pay thing is so true. I managed a restaurant and Friday’s always sucked. So, after much arguing with the owners, I got pay day changed to Monday. Not only was I always fully crewed but I’m sure bills got paid.

  2. “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today.” –Wimpy from Popeye

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