Have I Grown Horns?

Seriously, can someone check that out for me? I don’t see anything but I may need to put a fresh set of eyes on this.

I ask because I’ve been running into so many people lately who are trying to convert me. I’ve been handed prayer tracts, been told I’ll be prayed for, all that stuff so much recently there much have been some change of head appendage.

As you’ve come to notice, I don’t react well to these situations. It’s not that I don’t appreciate their interest in me, it’s just that I’d rather they keep it to themselves. You know, like an anonymous donor of goodwill.

I’d be cool with that.

But that’s not how it happens. They have to let me know they’re having the big guy look out for me.

I try to be nice but, honestly, after I tell you that, as kind as the offer sounds, I’m not interested in coming to your church, it would be best for all involved if you just left then.

I’ve declined many invitations, secular and spiritual, over the years and not once after I’ve stated my disinterest have I changed my mind.

Sometimes they just can’t take no thanks seriously. This guy was talking long after we should have parted ways. I was in a place (work) where I couldn’t walk away and, sadly, also can’t be as rude (very) as I’d like.

So I stand there and think my stupid thoughts. That usually doesn’t end well and I often come up with some odd phrases.

One I thought of, but had the good sense not to use, was his breath reeked of body of Christ and alter boy cock.

I don’t know if it did, I was never that close, but it could have. I just liked playing with that line.

“You really should, at least, wear one of these.” He said holding out a WWJD? bracelet.

“I wrote one of those but it never took off. It said WPWJD?”


“Yeah, What Position Would Jesus Do?” The guy begins to interject but I carry on. “But it didn’t work because everyone knows the only position he’d do is missionary.”

Boy, he got as pissed as if I’d talked smack about his breath.


7 responses to “Have I Grown Horns?

  1. I think they’re becoming more desperate in general.

    Which has no bearing on whether or not you’ve sprouted horns.

  2. Just wear a hat and hide those buggers.

  3. antenna-pedia — a physical condition, caused by genetic mutation, where a fruit fly has legs growing out of its head, where it should have antenna; the legs are fully formed/developed and functional.

  4. GAH. It does not bode well, my chances for getting into heaven, that my first thought upon reading the last of your post was, “Nah, I bet he’d be cool and totally go doggie.”


    • Hahahhahahaha. Hell, with that thinking he’d totally go into porn.

      “See Jesus in his first staring role in the latest cockbuster from Asspostles Productions, The Other Side Of The Mounting.”

      See? If you were on the guest list for heaven you’d totally miss that!

  5. Depends on whose definition of heaven you are using…

  6. I’m with Becky’s definition.

    I practically swallowed my own tongue on that altar boy line 🙂

    The saddest fact of my life is I can’t think that fast when faced with obnoxious people. However, I’m not sure I could come up with anything so spectacular as that even if they gave me 72-hours and promised to come back for my retort.

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