Admittance

My girlfriend is a nurse. I never ask her how her day is. I used to. Until one day she told me she had to stuff someone’s uterus back inside them. Not only do I not want to hear about that, there’s no way I can top it in the bad work day sweepstakes.

It’s not that I won’t listen. I’m just not volunteering.

“I admitted a guy today with no penis or asshole.”

I got excited and said,

“You admitted GI Joe?!?!”

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12 responses to “Admittance

  1. Lemme guess: drunken fireworks malfunction?

  2. I’d want details every day with stories like those!

  3. > Lemme guess: drunken fireworks malfunction?
    I don’t think so. That would only explain one of them. I mean, come on! He only has two hands!

    > I’d want details every day with stories like those!
    But they get SO mundane. “Then I had to reach into her gaping abscess because that’s where she THINKS she lost the remote. After rummaging around for a while it turns out she’d dropped it in her bed pan!”

    It’s not that either of us are squeamish (we have friends who see/do the most disgusting things for work and sit there howling over stories – oftentimes to the utter disgust of all others within ear shot) but I’ve found the end result (no ass/no dick/no bathroom break) is more than enough.

  4. No, no…wait, was the part about the no penis and asshole true?! Ugh, please tell me it’s not true.

  5. I’d love tell you what you’d like to hear, but, I can’t. He’s anatomically incorrect.

  6. So he has a urethro-iliostomy, or he really IS GI Joe!

  7. How about a woman with no vagina or anus, but the largest and most perfectly proportioned breasts without nipples that defy gravity?

  8. > So he has a urethro-iliostomy. . .
    Proving why I do not search for more information. They always have it. And it’s always ugly.

  9. I recently read a book named EMERGENCY! about the best ER stories in the country. It was so great. One woman had a vine coming out of her vagina — her stuff was falling out, like that story you described — so she put a potato up there. In the dark it began to take root, I guess, thus the vine:)

    I do get the thing about the sweepstakes, however. You want to win occasionally.

  10. That would be convenient to have a potato close by when you wanted one…

  11. My daughter started work as a nurse recently so I guess I can look forward to hearing such disgustingly uplifting stories soon, huh?

    You say potato, I say vagina.

  12. > My daughter started work as a nurse recently so I guess I can look
    > forward to hearing such disgustingly uplifting stories soon, huh?
    If she likes to share!

    > You say potato, I say vagina.
    If that’s true, one of us has no idea about biology at all.

    I read a couple of bits from Emergency! from pamajama and, if that’s just the filet, she’s right. The book is a heaping, helping slab o’ beef.

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