Where’s The Funny?

One of the questions I’m most often asked, right behind,

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” (I don’t know if I should count that one due to my girlfriends unfair advantage of proximity)


“How do you come up with your ideas?”

To that I answer,

“I dunno.”

And that’s pretty much true. It could be a person walking past or a full-formed thought that pops into my head just before I fall asleep (like the script idea that popped into my head a couple of weeks ago that, although a trifle, I knew it would be easy to write. So, 20-25 hours later, I get it done. No one’s read it – not that I’m embarrassed by it so if anyone would like to, let me know – because I’m not sure it has a market and I don’t think it’s funny enough).

The thing is you really just have to be on the lookout for it because ideas are everywhere. A snippet of conversation can lead to a joke, the way a row boat bobs in the water can lead to a sad story, the rhythm of the rain on a window can flip you into a horrendous situation. Then sometimes something hits you in the face and there’s nothing you can do but report it.

I was aimlessly flipping through the channels when I passed the local access channel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything other than notices about pancake breakfasts and snow emergency parking rules and this time was only slightly different.

The difference was the sex offender registry. While these men are not wanted by the police (that information was the largest portion of the screen) their faces, names, work and home addresses blipped across the screen with the Marvin Gaye classic, “Let’s Get It On” serving as the soundtrack of their lives.

After I regained myself and started to go aimless again I thought,

“You know what would be cool? An Ex Offender Registry to list bad ex’s.”


10 responses to “Where’s The Funny?

  1. I like that registry idea! 🙂

  2. Loved your cat masthead. I have three too.

  3. Thanks, Davis. That’s Brutus, Bundeschwager, and the recently departed, Nuts.

  4. Can we start the Ex Offender Registry right now?
    And does one have to actually have been married to the ex, or can it be just a boyfriend or girlfriend?

    I need some rules or perimeters or something, and boy, could I run with this one!

  5. It can be any type of ex you’d like to include, Becky. Now run!

  6. There’s no server on Earth large enough to hold that much data.

  7. So far…for me, the ideas come from everywhere. It might be something that someone says, somehting I hear or even a person I drive past. I can be sitting and listening to someone tell a story and I can almost pretend that I am there with them as it is going down.

    I carry that 8 1/2 x 11 green notebook around for those ideas…this has really turned into fun, but I am glad I have another job.

  8. Ex boyfriends
    Ex girlfriends
    Ex husbands
    Ex wives (These first four are pretty much givens)
    Ex step-children
    Ex bosses
    Ex coworkers
    Ex clients
    Ex neighbors
    Ex landlords
    Ex priests
    Ex teachers
    Ex coaches
    Ex authors
    Ex team mates
    Ex classmates
    Ex personal trainers (How ’bout I tell YOU what to do at the gym, dirty rat bastard)
    Ex house keepers (You missed a spot)
    Ex bartenders (I told you to keep ’em coming!)
    Ex presidents (They were pretty much all crooks out to line their personal pockets with no regard for the general public)
    Ex late night talk show hosts (Could you be more BORING?!)
    Ex bank tellers
    Ex truck drivers
    Ex trash collectors (Toss my cans in the street again, and next week my trash will be every piece of dog crap in my neighborhood!)
    Ex doctors (said it was COLD, and not touch me with it there!)
    Ex dentists (Let ME have that drill, and YOU sit in the chair!)
    Ex nail salon personnel
    Ex hairdressers
    Ex daughters-in-law
    Ex sons-in law
    Ex mothers-in-law
    Ex fathers-in-law
    Ex any in-law ( Because for the most part in-laws suck and its such a relief to be rid of them)
    Ex out-laws, too (Just because you gave up your life of crime, doesn’t mean that I will ever like you or be nice to you)
    Ex supervisors
    Ex newspaper reporters (I don’t like your little picture)
    Ex alcoholics (why the hell did you give up drinking? You were more fun when you were drunk)
    Ex drug addicts (see above note, just sub in “high” for “drunk”)
    Ex librarians (They are not as bad some of the others on this list, but being ex’s, and to be fair…)

    Some one else take over, I now have carpal tunnel syndrome from typing this list

  9. How about hypochondriacs? And they don’t have to be ex’s.

  10. I think you’ve proven TB right, Becky, there is no server on Earth large enough to hold that much data.

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