Fellow Man

I had to exit the building on non-vital business. As you could imagine, the building has many methods of egress. Some more desirable than others.

I’m not talking about the opulence of the doorway or kindness of those you meet along the way. I’m talking about what it spills out to. I’ve exited into many thorny or weird situations (I was leaving through a service elevator, threw open the outside door and had a guys head – still attached to his body – thud between my feet. Another passenger looked at him and said, “Hi, Chuck.”) so, as you could imagine, I’m hard pressed to pay it any mind.

I turn a slight corner and see a guy facing the wall. That’s never a good sign due to the fact there are limited reasons to be doing that.

A) A time out
B) He’s pissing

Just so you know, it’s never letter A.

I see fluid shimmer between his feet. He must have heard me but that didn’t stop the flow of production. He turned his head to better face me, blinked himself into focus a time or two and said,

“I wouldn’t step in that. It’s coming out burning like hell.”

Who says man has ceased looking out for his fellow man?

6 responses to “Fellow Man

  1. That’s funny. I like your cats, too.

  2. Oh fuck! That’s fuckin’ funny right there.

  3. I had a woman who called and said that one of my contractors was peeing in the backyard. When we made it to her house, we asked her where he did “the act” and she pointed to an area on a the patio…it was as dry as can be. She insisted he was pee-ing, but said that she didn’t actually “see” the stream, but she knows what a man stands like when he is peeing.

    The guy insisted he was fiddling with his jacket. This was the wife of a very high profile Navy Chaplin who was in a battle with the Navy over prayer. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and apologized to the woman for any incident, asked what we could do to remedy the situation and smoothed it all over… but to hear…”I know how a man stands when he pees…” was eerily similar to your situation…minus the acidic puddle.

  4. Everyone has a piss and/or shit story. Even big time famous giant blue actors like Billy Crudup! I know it’s a few days old but I saw it this morning on The Daily Show. The piss part comes at the end but it’s a pretty entertaining interview.

    http://tinyurl.com/cstf3b

    While I’m tossing out recent videos I found entertaining, here’s one of the best top ten lists from Letterman in some time:

    http://tinyurl.com/bb3j7f

  5. Wait, was it DAYLIGHT? I’ve seen plenty of guys take a leak in public at night, in the bar districts, stumbling along between bars and not twigging onto the fact that bars come with bathrooms, these days.

  6. Yes, Laura, sadly, and it happens more often than I want to tell you.

    But I will.

    I see it so often I shudder when pondering what goes on at night. One day I get in and there was shit in front of the door. At first even I, a very grizzled veteran of seeing the unseemly, said it couldn’t be. But it was. And it wasn’t dog shit.

    One day my boss saw someone and told him he could have come up and asked to use ours, to prove what type of people wander their full bladders past us, said,

    “Nah, that’d be too much work.”

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