Went to a work get-together of my girfriend last night. This was the first time I’d meet her co-workers. She vacillated about whether I should go. I didn’t care either way. She’s a believer in the separation of work and personal which I agree with.
When I’d go to a work thing there’d always be someone who said they didn’t know anything about my personal life. My response was,
“That’s why they call it a personal life. It’s none of your business.”
They’d either laugh and press me on it (which never ended brightly) or get insulted and walk away. It really was one of the few times I’ve never liked when a joke worked.
But she’s worried someone will pry a tidbit of information out of me. It’s a female dominated industry and you know how they can be!
I laughed and said,
“Relax. I’m a verbal ninja.”
She knows it’s true but still has trepidation. It’s not my life we’re playing with here.
There are only three guys there. I know one of them, a neighbor of a friend. I sit next to him after introductions (and veiled ‘We’re gonna break you!’ threats) and let the noise overtake the room.
The louder the room, the less likely they’ll get around to me. As long as someone has the floor I’m white noise. That works for me. I’m happy just sipping my beer.
Every once in a while someone would peer down the table to remind me I wasn’t going to get away unscathed. I’d return their look until they turned away.
Somewhere in the middle of a story the guy I wasn’t sitting next to was telling about the first time he and his wife had sex his wife looked down to me and said,
I smiled, locked eyes, took a tiny sip of my beverage, and said, low, fully annunciated, with the correct amount of malevolence,
“Bring it on.”
She startled back but quickly regained her composure. My girlfriend, seated to my right, laughed as my response was passed around the table. As each women heard it they’d turn to me. And I was always there to return the attention. Until they looked away.
It didn’t take long for them to go back to piling on the other guy. He was more than willing to be lowered into the snake pit due to the fact he was working the pulley.
I knew the time would come again when someone would set their scope between my eyes. A woman sitting next to the host pointed at me, got the hosts attention and said,
“We haven’t got Chris to say anything.”
The host shook her head and said,
“I don’t know. He scares me.”
My girlfriend thought that was the funniest thing ever.
I sat back with my rapidly emptying beer and said,
“All in a days work for a ninja.”