Some phrases have usual responses.
For example, “Only one beer with dinner, officer.” Is usually followed by the nice police officer asking you to step from the vehicle.
“I’ve never done this before.” Is usually followed by the speaker thinking, “With you.”
“I swear.” Is usually followed by a huge pack of lies.
Then there are phrases which will only have one response.
“Duck!” Is always followed by the sound of an object conking someone on the skull.
“I’ve done this plenty of times.” Is always followed by the speaker doing something so injurious that, the moment quick thinking people hear it, they grab their video equipment.
“Nice dick.” Is always followed by a men’s room emptying.
But I’ll add one that, as I found out last night, will empty a bar very quickly.
“Hey,” I called to the cavernous yet mostly empty bar as I walked out of the men’s room. “There’s a dead guy next to the toilet.”
The seven people in the place looked towards me accompanied by the sounds of bar tabs being paid and four motorcycles starting up and getting outta Dodge.
We’re paying our tab as the bartender is dialing the phone. She says,
“I was wondering where he went.”