It’s Cold Out

I know you’ve probably heard this from many people who live in a place I like to call, Fucking Cold!

Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s not always cold. It just feels that way. My personal feet don’t actually thaw until sometime in August (usually the 16th).

That said, those of us who live here become aware of some things. Here are just a few:

1) You will wear more clothes than people in many other countries own.

2) Shampoo directions are pretty close to shoveling directions: Snow, Shovel, Repeat.

3) Do not put anything outside who’s natural state is not frozen.

The sad part is each one of those, to me, simple facts are quite often broken.

Rule one is most often broken by females. I drove past a club on a freezing cold night passing a line of fashionably attired women with their legs to their asses exposed.

Rule two is most often broken by men. They go ice crazy and, as a friend of mine stated, the guy who cleared snow with a flame thrower is starting to look brilliant. Even if he did catch his house on fire. But you know what? The snow was gone and he was warm!

Rule three is usually the funniest one broken and is broken by everyone and the reason for this post.

I ran into someone I know an hour ago and he was P. I. S. S. E. D. His kid is going back to school today and, so he didn’t have to get up early to do it, packed the car last night.

Let me state that, at this moment, not counting that idiotic wind chill factor, it is -2 where I am. I can only assume it was colder over night.

As you could assume, not many good things happened. Okay, maybe the kid, a student of an accredited college or university, wasn’t aware that leaving a lap top and other expensive electronics in a car in winter was not a good idea.

But I’m sure as hell he knew leaving water (science content: snow and ice is made of water) outside was a bad idea.

The father picks up this case of ice to show me. It looked as if some of the paper thin bottles had split. So I did what a person much like myself would do.

Walked away laughing my frozen ass off.

7 responses to “It’s Cold Out

  1. I can’t comment much as my fingers are shivering too badly… but I must know, do you have any public feet and do those thaw earlier?



    You know, I almost did a post this morning about how effin’ cold it is here, but I’m glad I didn’t. I only have a few readers south of me so not many would have sympathized.

    Current weather conditions in Fort Worth, TX:
    28 and overcast…
    And it only be that way for a day or so. It is supposed to be around 60 tomorrow. I really have nothing to complain about.

  3. Elena: I do not have ‘public’ feet, per se, although I do have stunt feet. They’re the ones I use whenever heavy things get dropped on them or I bang otherwise innocent toes into things like doors, floors, tables, chairs, heads (don’t ask), and many other relatively immovable objects.

    Don’t even get me started on the damage done when the stunt feet slip from under the covers with cats around.

    Lucky: I feel your pain, I really do. Would you like to feel mine?

  4. Nanoock of the North

    Birds fly south for the winter, and they have smaller brains than humans, but I wonder which species really is smarter…

    As for that shoveling activity, it’s sort of like mowing the grass: there will always be more grass to mow, and there will always be more snow to shovel, at least until the spring thaw, which those of us of the Eskimo persuasion call the Chinook.

  5. This is the perfect opportunity for some homegrown Mythbusters experiments with the cold weather!!!!

  6. I feel your pain… as I type this it is -6 and that is not counting the wind chill to push it to – 17 below…. wonder why i end up in San Diego for the summer months…. keep warm

  7. Belatedly commenting – it was subzero on Thursday night here, also. So I did as I learned in the midwest and left the pipes dripping slightly.

    Friday morning – no burst pipes. Cool. I got into the shower and AAAGH stepped into an inch of ice cold water. The damned drain from the master bathroom shower froze.

    I turned the water off while I shaved my head (I don’t usually, but I was afraid the damned thing would overflow) and before I turned it back on, the warm water melted the drain. Eesh.

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