I know you’ve probably heard this from many people who live in a place I like to call, Fucking Cold!
Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s not always cold. It just feels that way. My personal feet don’t actually thaw until sometime in August (usually the 16th).
That said, those of us who live here become aware of some things. Here are just a few:
1) You will wear more clothes than people in many other countries own.
2) Shampoo directions are pretty close to shoveling directions: Snow, Shovel, Repeat.
3) Do not put anything outside who’s natural state is not frozen.
The sad part is each one of those, to me, simple facts are quite often broken.
Rule one is most often broken by females. I drove past a club on a freezing cold night passing a line of fashionably attired women with their legs to their asses exposed.
Rule two is most often broken by men. They go ice crazy and, as a friend of mine stated, the guy who cleared snow with a flame thrower is starting to look brilliant. Even if he did catch his house on fire. But you know what? The snow was gone and he was warm!
Rule three is usually the funniest one broken and is broken by everyone and the reason for this post.
I ran into someone I know an hour ago and he was P. I. S. S. E. D. His kid is going back to school today and, so he didn’t have to get up early to do it, packed the car last night.
Let me state that, at this moment, not counting that idiotic wind chill factor, it is -2 where I am. I can only assume it was colder over night.
As you could assume, not many good things happened. Okay, maybe the kid, a student of an accredited college or university, wasn’t aware that leaving a lap top and other expensive electronics in a car in winter was not a good idea.
But I’m sure as hell he knew leaving water (science content: snow and ice is made of water) outside was a bad idea.
The father picks up this case of ice to show me. It looked as if some of the paper thin bottles had split. So I did what a person much like myself would do.
Walked away laughing my frozen ass off.