Di·chot·o·my: division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups.

There was a moment of that during our Thanksgiving Day when my girlfriends daughter got up from the table, possibly still chewing on a piece of turkey, because she saw something out the window. She opens the window and begins to toss food out. Don’t worry, it’s not some weird family holiday ritual. We have many backyard critters.

During one of her tosses she turned and said,

“Something is totally wrong with this.”

I had to agree. It’s not every day you get to eat and feed a turkey at the same time.

As an update, the eating turkey survived the horror. I know that because when I went to leave this morning, he was sitting on the front stairs staring at the door. I tried to soothe this somewhat awkward moment but not for a minute did he buy my,

“Wasn’t me, man. I’m a vegetarian.” line of bullshit.


13 responses to “Di·chot·o·my

  1. at least the turkey knows he/she has two legs to still stand on… unlike the dinner bird!

  2. It was probably the most thankful turkey of the day!

  3. OMG that is an awesome thanksgiving event. I cannot even begin to interpret it as an omen or portent. Or even a harbinger. I think she’s right, something IS totally wrong with it. Or not.

  4. I didn’t want to get in the way of the story so I left out a bit. That’s the part where I was calling out,

    “Throw it turkey! Make it eat turkey!”

  5. Thanks for filling that in.

    We used to feed table scraps to our chickens, even when we had chicken. But the topper was when my son, probably about 6 or 7 at the time, threw a live toad into the chicken pen. The birds were not so interested in it.

  6. I bet the toad wasn’t that happy either.

  7. I don’t know. It looked like it was smiling.

  8. This was sent to me by a friend. I know, those are dreaded words, but it sort of fits, here.
    Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

    The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

    I tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

    By this Wednesday night, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

    For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

    Fearing that I’d hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said,

    “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

    I was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

    “May I ask what the turkey did?”

  9. Ok, I have to know. What was she feeding the turkey? HUMMM?

  10. @ David– There’s a TV show on Discovery channel about a guy who travels to different countries, eating local specialties that usually contain insects, grubs (sometimes alive!), and the most disgusting body parts, etc.

    It’s nice to know that chickens are smart enough to draw the line at toads!

    @JudyH– Avian torture? Tsk, tsk.

    @BC– Attempted avian cannibalism? TSK, TSK!

    Only at B&G! I hope everyone had a nice holiday, even the dinner turkey, whose dogma DID get run over by his/her karma!

  11. > Ok, I have to know. What was she feeding the turkey? HUMMM?
    You want the truth? You think you can handle the truth? Okay, here ya go:


  12. Stuffing? That is Perfect. Now your bird will be prepared for next year.

  13. The bird was eating stuffing? That’s sick. But not as sick as the Sunday newsman standing in a pen of live turkeys, holding up a packaged frozen turkey while he introduced the segment about Bush pardoning the turkey. Oh, and Sarah Palin’s turkey bloodfest! WTF was that?! Who was that sick bastard in the background? Did the FCC fine them for that fucking horror show?

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