All of you have been in grocery stores. You often see odd things in grocery stores. Sometimes you’ll have weird interactions. See kids throwing tantrums. I don’t want to tell you what I’ve seen in the produce section. But if you have any stories like these, please, let me know.
I just don’t want to think I’m alone in this world.
I walk in. I see a woman. She is alone. She is having an animated conversation. With a melon. Wait on it, it’s not a,
“Is it thump a melon squeeze a lime or the other way around?”
conversation. I do not know the entire conversation, but, when I passed it went something like this:
“I wonder how you’ll taste? You have a nice color but you could be misleading me. I’ve been mislead by your kind before.”
No, sadly, I wasn’t on meds (Becky wasn’t around) so did not mishear her conversation.
Passing her (quickly) I approach two people I heard before I saw. It was a mother/daughter team losing their shit at each other. I’m not sure what caused such a loud and lengthy (I could still hear them clearly ninety seconds later when I was checking out at the front of the store) but they both had opinions they needed to express.
Did I mention they were doing it loudly? I did? Did I mention that, when I was walking past, the mother was bouncing the cart up and down making everything in it pop like over stimulated corn.
Good thing they hadn’t been to the egg aisle yet.
I accepted both those situations is stride. Come on! I’m a guy who’s seen a woman squat in piss in the canned vegetable aisle. It’ll take a bit more than talking to fruit and a mother/daughter spat to shake me.
At first, I didn’t think I was seeing what my eyes told me they were processing.
It was a woman, stopped in the middle of the aisle, shucking the husk from corn and dropping it on the ground. Is that some sort of cost cutting measure they teach you in fucking crazy ass loon school? Is she going to snack on the raw cobs while shopping? I sure as fuck don’t want to imagine that she’s going to do some special dildo popcorn trick.
Although I may have spent more time wandering the aisles to find myself a more fulfilling lunch, I grabbed the item as closely resembling lunch that was closest, found a unpopulated aisle and scurried down.
While in line, moments from leaving, I hear above the cash registers, various conversations, the sounds of shopping, I hear.
“Fuck you, ma! I’m getting fruti pebbles.”
“You know I hate them! Get coco puffs like I said!”
May I suggest some bran flakes?