Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for personal freedom. Go along, little sprite, burn your incense, jingle your bells, but don’t tell me your way is the path to any type of light. I don’t walk up to people offering unsolicited opinions about how they should operate their life so I’d appreciate the same courtesy. But often they don’t see it that way. When it happens all I think is I’m getting a face full of free dumb.

I’m waiting for the bus after work. It wasn’t a good day. A guy who, earlier in the day was trashed, came back in even worse shape. Oh, he’d sobered up but I guess a fall that cracks open your skull, sent road rash down your body, and caused the need for a neck brace will do that.

I’m standing there letting the nothingness wash over me like a lithium shower when a girl with a flowing skirt bounces up and asks a question. I tell her the bus will be there shortly and turn up the shower power.

“You know,” Aw, fuck. “You really shouldn’t advertise artificial mind altering substances.”

I look at her as I do most people who talk to me. What the fuck are you talking about? I swear the world speaks a language I do not comprehend.

She points at my shirt. It’s a Heineken t-shirt. Oh. I look at her, nod and wonder how many Heineken’s it would take directly shot into my skull to get myself a neck brace.

“There are so many natural ways to alter ones perspective.”

She begins to go on about meditation, relaxation therapy, cleansing (don’t think I didn’t know what she was talking about there!), massage, fasting, chanting, a whole glob of higher powerdom.

“You could look at something you feel a connection to, like a cloud or that rock, focus on it, start a chant, and in no time, you’d be happier. Just tell your item what you think about it. That positive energy will come back to you a million times!”

How come they never say something like, ‘You could stand there alone in silence with no one bothering you and you’d be happier.”?

“What you’re saying is, on my own, I could pick something in this area, something that makes me happy, do a little chant and I’d be happy?”

She gets so excited now that I grasp the concept.

“Yes! Try it.” She stands there for a moment awaiting my higher consciousness. I smile, look down slightly and say,

“You have awwwwesome tiiiiiiiiits!”

She was right about one thing (I mean after she called me all kindsa ‘ists’), a peace did wash over me when she stormed off.


2 responses to “Chant

  1. “What about fucking? Fucking is a natural way to alter one’s perspective. Maybe I should fuck somebody! [brief pause] So, you’re not going anywhere important, are you?”

  2. Ran across your blog on another blog read… I clapped for you (clap clap) good job on finding that place to think… if the tits do it for you…go for it.. I say have the look and then sit for a beer.. the best of both worlds for you… People are nuts…just nuts!

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