In Line

I was standing in line waiting to be patted down (sorry, no tampon this time) and this guy was talking about his kid turning sixteen. He was flummoxed because he couldn’t think of anything to get him for his birthday so I offered,

“An envelope full of job applications.”

When it was my turn to get patted down the guy started and I said,

“Oh yeah, this feels right.”


6 responses to “In Line

  1. Hilarious, on both counts.

    The last time I was at the airport I was chosen along with two other women to be patted down right there in front of everyone, . While they were touching me all over I asked, “Why did you pick us? Why didn’t you pick that fat bald guy over there?” So they asked me if I’d prefer to be patted down in a private room and I said, “What, are you kidding me? No, I could care less what you do to me, just do it right here in front all these witnesses.”

  2. My brother-in-law and his girl friend went on a cruise last year, and coming back into the States, Customs decided that he was a potential terrorist/criminal/ax murderer/ZZ Top band member and they not only patted him down, but they took his suitcase and opened it up and went through it THOROUGHLY. He was mortified that his dirty laundry (literally, his used tightie-whities) was on display; and she was glad that they had packed all their sex toys/paraphernalia in HER suitcase!

    She even asked me before they left, what the requirements were for transporting liquids and gels on the airplane, and was so relieved to find out that if she packed them in her suitcase and checked it though that she could take any volume she wanted. Makes me wonder, how much KY does one need on vacation?

  3. My girlfriend’s daughter was going to Italy on a class trip when they found out they had WAY too much stuff to carry on. Kids were freaking out because they couldn’t have life without eight gallons of hair-b-perfect? After some negotiation and a kid offering his backpack, most of the gel and whatever was squeezed into the bag and given to an official to be carried on.

    It seems things were going well until one kid, who must not have been paying attention during the fifteen minutes of gnashing and negotiation, got to the front of the line and was told he’d have to leave something behind. After a little more negotiation, this time to no avail, he decided his back course of action was to toss the bottle high into the air towards a group of parents. And a couple of quickly moving gentlemen with automatic weapons up high.

    I’ve never seen a group of parents stop waving and start ducking quicker in my life. One of the security guys caught it and it was back to negotiation. They let the shit through but security stayed around until the parents exited the airport. It was pretty cool watching security rush in from every angle frightening parents and kids who weren’t expecting automatic weapons. I was because I was standing back and had seen security walking around with the weapons hidden in plain sight at their sides.

    As far as how much KY someone would need on vacation I’d have to say it would depend on how dry the dust bowl.

  4. Tampon?

  5. I got the rubber glove treatment once in a private search room. It scared the bejeebeezes out of me. Thankfully the guy putting on the gloves only went thru my purse and not my anal cavity. *whew*

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