Yesterday’s little adventure got me thinking. Always a dangerous thing, I know; illegal in six states, I got the restraining orders. But sometimes you’ve got to throw caution and potential incarceration to the wind for the betterment of humanity.
There should be a way to warn people you may not be the type of person kinder, gentler people should approach. Not that you’re unkind or rude, maybe you just want to plow through lunch to get back to work on time so your boss doesn’t chew you out. Or you want to sit there unmolested by the world at large.
Nothing personal. You just want some me time in public.
So we’ve devised a way to get your message out without having to say, as I did last night when someone wouldn’t back away politely,
“If you don’t back down I’m going to tear your brain out, eat it, shit it out, then put it back in your skull to remove any doubt that you’re a shit head.”
To alleviate those embarrassing and potentially messy moments, we at Bound & Gags have created the:
Let’s say you want to concentrate on the ball game, your meal, hell, your job, plop a Back Away Table Tent down and consider the world warned!
The Back Away Table Tents come in many varieties to suit your personal warning level. The Back Away Table Tents come in sentiments like:
No Speak Zone
No, Just No
Back Away Slowly, I Have A Knife
Be Polite! Fuck Off!
Speak Only When Spoken To
If I’m Not Talking, Take My Lead
Off Thy Fucketh
Will Speak For Beer
If I Wanted To Speak To You I Would Be
I Love Conversation! Just Not With You.
Mom Said, “Don’t Talk To Strangers.”
I’m Not Here For Your Amusement.
I Think, Therefore, You Bore.
Our Relationship Is Better Unrequited
Wanna Get Laid? Go Fuck Yourself.
Because I Care, I’m Warning You Now.
WARNING: Does Not Play Well With Others
I’m Here For Fun So Shut Up.
WARNING! Engaging May Be Hazardous To Your Health.
I’d Hate To Tell You What I Think So Don’t Make Me.
I’m Here Alone On Purpose
Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! It Sounds So Much Nicer Than Fuck Off!
I’d Be Interested If You Were Interesting
And, for those times when you may have a change of heart, You May/You May Not
We’ve also included a blank to jot in your own sentiment to fit the occasion.
So grab a Back Away Table Tent or dozen and let people know just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.