My girlfriend and I had to go to the mall with her daughter. That wasn’t as much fun for me as it may sound. That is until I was told we were going to wait in the bar.
Life is, as Too Much Joy sang, flowers.
We walked into the place and were pleasantly surprised to see a friend of ours there. We hadn’t seen him in awhile and were even more pleased to see him because he was the bartender.
It was nice to catch up (and see his gallbladder operation scars) but he was busy so that left us to our own devices. That’s hardly ever a good thing for those around us. We’re watching people come and go when we we’re both caught by this one gentleman.
“Did you see that?” She asks.
“Yep. Whatcha think?” She likes to play ‘Pin The Proclivity’ on people. She watches him closely with his googly eyes and dainty gait. When he passes she takes a moment to decipher his internal life before spinning back with a satisfied expression.
“Cross dresser.”
I usually agree with her but there was something else. Something more ominous than crotchless panties and a leather bustier.
“I think he looks like an axe murderer.”
We debated our points for a few minutes before deciding it was a tie. He was an axe murdering drag queen.
Ten minutes later, the lyrics to ‘Axe Murdering Drag Queen’ popped out of my head:
It all started back on that fateful day
When he got a funny feeling on the docks of Thunder Bay
It’s when the old locals began to say
No doubt this boy’s one hundred percent – having a fateful day
He ran right on home, tears flowing from his eyes
The rouge on his cheeks like his mind in distress
He made his grand entrance to his families surprise
An axe over his shoulders, his dress quite a mess
Axe murdering drag queen
There’s a psycho on the scene
Axe murdering drag queen
He’ll cut you in half while you scream
When he woke up much later he saw what he’d done
He picked up the pieces he’d hacked in a sack
He knew now he’d never be their favorite son
So he jumped the next jitney to Hackensack
He worked on his style with those of night
A little mascara, his boots made of leather
Always so confident he always was right
Made that PETA bitch cry who spoke high of pleather
Axe murdering drag queen
There’s a psycho on the scene
Axe murdering drag queen
He’ll cut you in half while you scream
He chopped up another when he turned twenty one
A wanna be rival with a plan of attack
Whose heels snapped off when attempting to run
He cowered there pleading, he’d take it all back
He laughed at his rival and swung with his might
One well placed stoke and he wasn’t so together
Not much of a struggle, not much of a sight
As blood spilled over his lucky peacock feather
Axe murdering drag queen
There’s a psycho on the scene
Axe murdering drag queen
He’ll cut you in half while you scream
Axe murdering drag queen
Still voguing on the scene
Axe murdering drag queen
Swinging with him’s such a scream
Axe murdering drag queen
It started back in Thunder Bay
Axe murdering drag queen
No doubt this boy’s one hundred percent – having a fateful day
We couldn’t decide which genre it should be. She thought country whereas I was leaning more towards a surf party monster beat.