WDIE

As you know, we at Bound & Gags are always on the lookout for unique ways to annoy and amuse. Mostly annoy, we admit,  but we were always told when you’re good at something it’s probably someone else doing it.

Over the years we’ve attempted many businesses but, sadly, the ones that didn’t flame out in a blaze of gory, had us appearing almost monthly on 20/20. No, it wasn’t Dateline! Yes, I’m sure.

But it doesn’t stop us! Which not only says quite a bit about us but also our out of control egos. Often heard during one of our staff meetings is the battle cry,

“We can’t fail again, can we?”

Let me tell you, if those words don’t stir the assembled into a frenzy of delusion, well then, many of us must have upped our medication that day.

Obviously, our HMOs were a NOGO on the day we sunk our considerable life savings (almost triple digits!) and started what had been a personal dream of mine since I was a child. Oh, I remember it as if it were eighty or ninety years ago.

I wanted to own a radio station!

Or a G.I. Joe with a kung fu grip.

I’m really going to have to start taking notes because now, we at Bound and Gags are the proud owner of a radio station with, from what our team of radio consultant/marketing/programming experts say, is the format of the future.

So, without further ado, join us as we unveil, our next auditory delusion: WDIE!

WDIE

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, let us say here that, in the time it’s taken you to read this introduction, WDIE is already off the air.

Turns out radio experts know as much about radio as I do. Which leads me to believe I wanted the G.I. Joe.

So, because our business is in tatters, why not ask for help from the real (and also free) experts! Radio listeners!

What songs do you think should be on the WDIE playlist? We’re talking a song the next time you hear you’ll not only take a hostage it’ll make the news because it’ll be the idiot who wrote the song.

Don’t think they have to be old songs, trust me, the next time I hear that fucking song in the iPud commercial, 1234 by Feist, I’m using the countdown to signal my firing squad.

So let’s have it! What songs should be banned from the airwaves (of WDIE – we know we can’t alter the radio landscape. We’re not that delusional! What do you think we are? Radio consultants?) forever? Just jot down your list in the comments section and we’ll start stopping those tunes.

Oh, and don’t think we don’t have rules. We do. One. And it only applies to one person. Harv? Yeah, Harv, you. The rule is for you.

You cannot pick a song from Peab.

Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

One of the radio consultants did.

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52 responses to “WDIE

  1. I have several hundred nominations and think it would best if I just worked at WDIE as part of the playlist team. In the meantime, my requests are:

    It’s Not Over, by Daughtry
    Smooth, by Rob Thomas
    Girlfriend, by Avril Lavigne
    Jeremy, by Pearl Jam
    Hotel California, by The Eagles (this should be played twice a day for total immersion in Classic Rock)
    Leavin’ Las Vegas, by Cheryl Crow
    My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion
    We Are Fam-i-ly, by the Pointer Sisters
    Believe, by Cher
    The entire music catalog of BOSTON
    Cocaine by Eric Clapton (okay I get it, Eric, I get it: You love BLOW)

    And a song that came out when I was in fifth grade, was banned by most radio stations, and still frightens me to this day: D.O.A. (the ORIGINAL version by Bloodrock, NOT the Foo Fighters’ cover)

  2. I {heart} ‘Tainted Love.’ I don’t know why, but I do. (and I wish I could’ve typed that in an invisible font)

  3. @ Anonymeri
    Tainted Love is definitely an excellent song, and it’s probably because it’s so damn fun to sing along to. That, and the BJ Thomas version of Hooked On A Feeling, otherwise known as the Ooga Chucka Song. Both are good for a sing-a-long in the car.

  4. any song by kiss and any song by astro al. those guys are so lame.

  5. I cannot believe that someone else remembers B.J. Thomas and “Hooked on a Feeling”!! I thought that I was the only one who was old enough AND dorky enough to still listen to that! (I have it on 8-track!) And the Ooga Chucka version is by Blue Swede. Yes I am THAT old! And THAT dorky!

  6. “Afternoon Delight”
    “Wildfire”
    “Watching Scotty Grow”

    I have to stop now. I’m beginning to feel ill.

  7. Patches, definitely Patches. I’ve blocked out the name of the singer. Bobby Goldsboro?

  8. @ Becky
    It’s Hip To Be Square.

  9. Current: Rehab – Amy Beerhouse
    Runner up: Viagra’s cover of “Viva Las Vegas”

    Past: Anything by Bo (sometimes called Peabo) Bryson
    Runner up: Honey – Bobby (what sex was he) Goldsboro

  10. Why? Why oh why do we bother having rule, one stinking little rule, when the one person the one rule was created for ignores it?

    We are rotten with anarchy! The stench envelops our very essence! I, I just don’t know what else to do.

    Except to add Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love In My Tummy) by Ohio Express to the list.

  11. DOA: I remember
    we were flying low
    and hit something in the air…

    WDIE Requests
    ABC Jackson Five
    Puppy Love Osmonds

    I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got a brand new key

    An All David HASSELHOFF weekend

  12. “..let me tell you ’bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees. And a thing called looooove….” By — Gary Lewis & the Playboys? I thought “This Diamond Ring” was their only hit.

    “They’re Coming to Take Me Away!” by Napolean XIV

    pssst, Ellen: “Patches” was done by Clarence Carter. You can also thank him for “Strokin'”

  13. This one has to go on the playlist! I just remembered “Vincent” a tear-jerking, heart-rending ode to a tormented and suicidal homosexual lover by Don MaClean, (not sure how his last name is spelled, but he also did “By By Miss American Pie”).

  14. The shits just keep on comin’!

    What we’ve noticed here at WDIE is something we in the biz call an important demo tracking result. It seems our requests have come overwhelmingly from the female section of the groinage area.

    If we had to guess what this meant we’d say when things, annoying things specifically, get into the head of a person gendered less dangly in the trousers they remember it and have no compunction about telling the world!

    Now I know why my neighbors always looks at me as if I’m Droolie The Moron Boy.

  15. @ B&G – I think the reason most of WDIE’s requests come from women is because the majority — not all, but the majority of men over the age of 18 don’t listen to what their hearing and have no idea what the name of any song is. Not listening is a skill, an art they’ve perfected in everyday life, out of self-preservation perhaps. But whatever the reason they’re tuning things out, if you will, this skill can’t help but carry over to their radio listening. A song has to be really weird for a guy to even partially hear it. If you say to a guy, “Don’t you love that song where they say, “She loved me and I’m totally unworthy?” the guy will respond, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” BUT if you say, “You know that song that goes, My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?” a guy will go, “Yeah, what about it?”

    This is not a slam against males, it’s just a fact.

  16. Please add to the list, anything and everything by Air Supply, The Monkees, Shawn Cassidy, David Cassidy, The Partridge Family, and the late Brady Bunch episodes when Greg tried to act cool and have his own band. I think I probably watched way too much TV in the 70’s, and that’s probably why I have all these dorkian flashbacks now. I’m sorry. Really. Please forgive me for even mentioning those people. I have to go lie down.

  17. I have a song I want gone worse than any song ever written. Please, you’re my last hope. Make it DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Moldy Peaches: Anyone Else But You

    Thank you.

  18. It’s amazing how quickly a song (even one that was ignored when it was released in 2001) can reach the WDIE slay list.

    Steve, having the same reaction to this song, we’ll be more than happy to add it.

  19. Is this the band who has that song that ends with “shake a little turd out the bottom of my pants” or something along those lines?

  20. That be them those little turd shaking bastards.

  21. Moldy Peaches are the clever bastards who created much of the JUNO soundtrack – thus propelling their names into the world of teenie boppers. Hooray for that. Also – Kimya Dawson was the main artist for this movie…

    @ Wendy – Your comment on the male listening syndrome is hilarious and perfectly true. Kudos for the amazing observation. You should be like Darwin or something

  22. @ B&G – I suspected as much. And I wasn’t even sure that was what they were saying till I read the lyrics on Lucky’s blog and saw how her poor mother was shocked into using the fuck-word.

    @ dragonfly – So, basically, they are the Shins of 2008. The Shins I love. Moldy Peaches, not so much.

  23. Because it’s been asked, when talking about Tainted Love, it’s not the original version by Gloria Jones (or even Ruth Swann’s) that’s on the slaylist.

  24. Stay – Sugarland

  25. Songs that ask questions.

    Who’ll stop the rain?
    Have you never been mellow?
    Who are you?
    Who wrote the book of love?
    Are you experienced?
    Should I stay or should I go?
    Do you know the way to San Jose?
    Wot do you call it?
    Is this love?
    Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

  26. Songs that want answers weekend coming right up!

  27. Tub Thumper
    Chumbawumba

  28. Dave Barry mentioned the viva Viagra song that’s been on the WDIE playlist for months!

    http://www.miamiherald.com/979/story/465103.html

  29. New Soul by Yael Naim

    Thank you for this site. You prevented a homicide by letting me sit here and type until the fit passed.

  30. How about this?

  31. The Flobots – Handlebars

    FUCIKING HATE IT!

  32. Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch
    White Wedding
    Werewolves Of London
    Smells Like Teen Spirit
    Love Hurts
    Money
    We Built This City
    Hungry Like The Wolf (I must have something against wolves)
    Whip It
    Maneater
    Pour Some Sugar On Me
    Mr. Roboto
    Imagine
    Smoke On The Water
    Piano Man
    Paradise By The Dashboard Lights
    Brickhouse
    Betty Davis Eyes
    Dancing In The Dark
    Bittersweet Symphony
    Bawitdaba
    My Name Is

    I could program this station all day!

  33. You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate.

  34. A few random HITS that need more air time:

    “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” – Rolling Stones
    “Stairway to Heaven” – Led Zeppelin
    “We Are The Champions” – Queen
    “Jack and Diane” – John Cougar Mellencamp
    “This Kiss” – Faith Hill
    “Meet Virginia” – Train
    “Joy To The World” – Three Dog Night
    “Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is” – Chicago
    “Knock Three Times on the Ceiling” -Tony Orlando and Dawn

  35. The oeuvre of The Smashing Pumpkins.

  36. Is that just a fancy way to spell ovary?

  37. Fergalicious!

  38. Fuck songs! I want bands banned.

    Fall Out Boy
    Carrie Underwood
    Rihanna
    Ne-Yo
    Justin Timberlake
    Snow Patrol
    The Killers
    Pussycat Dolls
    Shakira
    Hinder
    Nickleback
    Fergie
    Will.I.Am
    Gwen Stefani
    Soulja Boy
    Amy Winehouse

    This is actually a very cathartic service.

  39. COLDPLAY!

    NEW OLD NOT EVEN RELEASED!

    FUCK COLDPLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  40. Vampire Weekend

  41. As much as I appreciate the input, what if one day one of these bands actually makes a song that doesn’t suck the fabric off a speaker? I’m not saying it’ll happen but what if it does? They’ve been pre-banned!

    So, for the time being or until Celine Dion releases another album that sends us into a collective frenzy, let’s just add songs.

    I heard this one walking through a room and thought, “If I knew where the master was, I’d start the fire.”

    Billy Joel: We Didn’t Start the Fire

    I was in a car and the suckosity was so powerful the windows imploded.

    John Mayer: Your Body is a Wonderland

  42. Lollipop by Mika

  43. The Ting Tings “Shut Up And Let Me Go”

  44. Jonas Brothers: Love Bug

  45. The Ting Tings That’s Not My Name

  46. Brown Eyed Girl
    Van Morrison

    Oh What A Night
    The Dells

    Dream On
    Aerosmith

    Glory Days
    Bruce Springsteen

    More Than A Feeling
    Boston

    Sweet Caroline
    Neil Diamond

    Like A Virgin
    Madonna

  47. Sounds to me as if someone’s not enjoying the music of their life.

  48. Garbage: Only Happy when It Rains

    House Of Pain: Jump Around

    Carol King: You’ve Got A Friend

  49. Pearl Jam – The Fixer

    Fuck Pearl Jam

  50. Cee Lo Green – all three versions: Forget You, F You, and Fuck You.

    It’s on every fucking station with the edited version andthat’s bad enough then it’s on CSI with the Forget You version. Too much.

  51. Remember Kill Bill Vol 1? Remember the band of Japanese girls singing Woo hoo woo hoo hoo? That Woo hoo song is now part of a Vonage commercial. It needs to be stopped. Immediately if not sooner.
    Add anything by James Taylor. “Killing Me Softly.” MeatLoaf’s “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad.” “Precious and Few.”

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