Why I’m Not A Morning Person

You may remember the pill-popping tenant with all the ‘back surgery’ I wrote of a month or so ago. Well, she moved out 13 days ago and wants to come back. The joy. So she calls, has a story, of course.

This time, she was hospitalized when her boyfriend (or someone or thing else. Following her staccato stories are too much work) beat her. At 8:13 this morning she came in with a bruised up face asking how things like this happened to her. I’m not in the mood to give chapter and verse so just nod (it’s not like she shuts up for answers anyway) and pull out a lease.

And here is when it gets tiring. We spent some time on the phone negotiating. By that I mean, she’d ask me to bend the rules, I’d say no. It’s not a difficult procedure. You need something I have, we have a set price for it, you give me that amount. By the end, she understood that, when she showed up, she’d better bring $64.

“Can I give you $48 and give you the rest on the first?”


Once again, I won’t bore you with the length and repetition of this conversation, but I will tell you it was long and repetitive. By the end, when she knows I’m not going to budge, she’s pissed and is making the angry face at me. I wanted to tell her she would have had to get up earlier to be my first pissed off tenant of the day.

Because that guy started yesterday.
At 5:45PM I was running around trying to get lingering tenants out. I get back to the office at 5:53PM and notice the answering machine is blinking. It’s a tenant who tells me I have to stay open because he’s on his way and wants to move out. He says he’s in Boston stuck in traffic so is about half an hour away.

Traffic. Friday. Boston. Yeah, that sounds like wishful thinking.

In my head I thank him for warning me as I cash out and double up on the herding activity. By 6:01 I have everyone out of the building and am gone.

This morning I knew he’d leave another message. I check the caller ID and he called, telling me he just got there and was pissed I didn’t stay open like he told me (yes, told me). The time was 6:37. This message went on for a few minutes and, for effect, he even banged on the door to prove to me he was just outside.

Now that’s commitment. It’s not enough commitment to plan your day when you know a place is open but you’ve got to give it to him for getting out of his car and punching a building.

This morning, still angry almost 14 hours later, he calls and starts giving me shit. I give him standard ‘person giving me shit for not going out of my way for them’ speech as he rants. At one point he tells me I’ve now thrown off his entire schedule.

“And what if I stayed? Wouldn’t that have thrown off my schedule?”

And here’s where he proved, even though he thinks he’s so special I should feel privileged to hang around for him, he’s just like everyone else when he says,

“That doesn’t matter.”

We go back and forth for a little while getting nowhere. I just sit there and listen as I start to create default notices and he does whatever it is he’s doing just louder than me. I guess he realized arguing with someone who’s isn’t joining in isn’t much fun so he begins to wear out. I explain, once again, that we close at five today. That means everyone must vacate the building before five. There’s a little grumbling again so I make an effort to help him keep some semblance of his tattered schedule.

“And make sure to bring cash. During move outs we accept nothing else.”

He sputters for a few more seconds before asking how much he owes.


“I don’t have that much on me!”

“Then you’d better get to the bank.” I start moving towards the phone sensing this conversation is about to come to it’s unholy completion. “And you’d better get a move on. The bank closes at noon.”


6 responses to “Why I’m Not A Morning Person

  1. Hey Bud,
    You should have made up a new hours sign with the closing time of 11:30 starting the day he was to move out ! Boy I wish I had a job where I could meet new & intresting folks like you !!!

    The FISH

  2. you have a beautiful job and a rosy outlook.

  3. I know someone from the DC area that would probably make himself available as your enforcer-type thug, if you want…. (though it’s a bit of a commute)

  4. You really do meet the dregs of the earth!

  5. Christine …

    I resent that.

    ~ Someone Chris has met.

  6. I know you would stay open for Meeeeeeeeee hahahahahahaha now if he said he was bringing some food and beer, Hmmmmmm well, MAYBE you might have been there… hahahhaaha
    Got to LOVE THE JOB….

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