I'm reading a book. . .

. . .yes, an actual book (this one, as if it’s any of your business: It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs), on the bus when someone gets up, sits next to me and asks,

“You reading that?”

I look at them for a split second before saying,

“No.” I then close the book and slam it on my thigh three times while saying, “It’s my asshole deflector but it must be malfunctioning today.”

The guy is shocked at my actions so gets up and goes back to his seat. To that I say, “Oh good, it’s working again.”