No, This Is Funny.

I did something for a guy in a wheelchair. I’d been told he could be prickly so I went through the transaction as smoothly as possible. I handed him his stuff, he took it, and placed it in a bag (this is important to remember).

He started to thank me so I held out my hand to shake his. He looked at me as if I were quite mad.

“What’s that? Funny?”

At this moment most people would be waving the Holy Shit flag. Sphincters may tighten. Hearts may flutter. Imaginations may put you front and center on the evening news. You know, rational reactions.

Which, as we’ve seen, I lack.

I look at him, there is no ‘gotcha!’ in his eyes and say,

“No. Two blind lesbians walk into a Parkinson’s bar and say, “Hey, everybody! What’s shaking?”

I lean in,

“That’s funny.”

Oh, oh! What was that I heard? The resounding click of the non-animal tested, child-proofed, PC handcuffs manufactured by a co-op run by black diabetic women in a gluten free, non-threatening work environment?

In my defense, I say, fuck you!

A good friend of mine is a wheelchair-bound fuck whose hand I often shake. Then, to round out my multi-cultural resume, there’s the black guy (two actually!), a Mexican, three (!) Jews, a Palestinian, a vegan lesbian folk singing juggler, two New Zealanders, AND a lactose intolerant Canadian curler.

So, back away from the bully pulpit, spunky, before I sic them all on you.

But act fast. The white devil minority friend trading deadline is coming up and I’m thinking of trading the whole kit and caboodle for a Ukrainian supermodel.