I love cats, let me rephrase, I love my cats. What that means is, as mean as it sounds to some of you, I don’t want to hear how cute, funny, brilliant your cat is. They’re not special. Mine are.
I bet you totally disagree. And therein lies the rub. Cat love, as is all love, is love specific. It reminds me of a story I wrote some time ago about babies that got me fired from one job and lost me two others.
I still say the story is funny, just not to those who’ve just pushed out pumpkins of their own to love.
I’m sure I speak for most when I say,
“Sure, if your cat gets his face stuck in your blender while you were making smoothies this morning, we’d love to see the video.”
But, unless it’s a visual, it’s only of interest to you.
I bore people enough on my own. I don’t need my cats help.
I know cats can be cute and funny and all those things but when telling the story people tend to wander into tedious mode.
“He played with a string? And it got tangled up in his paws? And then he ate it! What a scamp!”
Not that people will ever stop. A woman was telling me story after story about her cats that ended with it snuggling with her at night. She asked if our cats do that and I said yes. She waits for the never coming story before continuing.
“I wonder why they do that?”
“I can’t speak for anyone else, but, in my case, it’s because, before I go to bed, I rub cat food on my balls.”
I’ll stop them if I have to do it one person at a time.
9 responses so far ↓
Davis // June 19, 2009 at 10:25 am |
I like my own cats a lot for their personality, but I do admire “strange” cats (or are they all strange?)
boundandgags // June 19, 2009 at 10:50 am |
I love making fun of cats because it riles people up. Not that you’re riled, Davis, but whenever I do cats bits I always get a tsk tsk email from a few people. If I do it in person I love the expressions. And that’s why I do it.
I’d have to say all cats have a modicum of strange about them. Most times it’s fun strange but when it goes bad it’s fucking evil.
We had one when I was a kid who’d jump on you when you passed and claw the shit out of you. We got rid of it after it jumped on mt head one day and shredded my face.
From right to left on the masthead, Nuts was her namesake. She’d stare at nothing forever then run around after nothing. Bundeschwager was feral and still has some of that in him which makes him odd. He’ll be pet all over one minute and go into evasive action the next. He’s an amazing hider, truly, in plain sight which makes getting him into a cat carrier a chore. When I do catch him he goes stiff as a board and hyperventilates. I actually find it funny. Brutus’ strangeness comes from the fact that he will go out of his way to make his will known. I call him my girlfriend’s bodyguard. He’s the reason I wrote the shirt, I Give Blood. I Have Cats.
soup // June 20, 2009 at 9:16 am |
Tsk, tsk.
boundandgags // June 20, 2009 at 9:32 am |
What did I tell you? There’s one in every crowd!
morethananelectrician // June 20, 2009 at 9:33 am |
If a cat is thrown hard enough, he will not land on his feet…regardless of the height thrown from…
This theory is the same when hurled against a vertical surface…like a garage door.
Sorry. Just fact.
boundandgags // June 20, 2009 at 9:58 am |
Thanks for the fun facts, MTAE! They also don’t react well to being laid out on a table and spun.
I proposed a skit about finding a cat on the street and, because people always put up lost posters, to get it back to the owner efficiently, we tape the cat to the pole with a found sign above it.
Damn funny that.
But, boy the room went dead. People started to grumble so I said,
“Hey! That’s much better than my first thought. Which was stapling.”
And, before anyone gets their panties in an uproar, MTAE and I are joking. It’s what we do. Like the time I told someone I didn’t trust my cats, I thought they were stealing from me so, before I left for work I’d staple them to the floor.
Or the time I had people over to see the dead cat we put in the freezer. It’s name was Speckle so we called it a Speckcicle.
Oh no, wait. That one was real.
No animals were harmed in the making of these jokes and Speckle was dead when I found him. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
morethananelectrician // June 20, 2009 at 10:12 am |
Really…I am joking…kind of…my Dad wasn’t the best guy and didn’t like our cat’s need to mark territory very much. It is easier to joke about it, then to tell a negative story.
David // June 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm |
Oh yeah guys, hahahaha. It’s all so very funny until the cat gnaws off someone’s nutsack one night, hmm?
I love cats too. My cat would be on my blog more often if she wasn’t such a dumbass. This cat, seriously, has no sense of humor at all. On the other hand, she kills her weight in smaller animals every month. And leaves them under our porch. OH WAIT! She DOES have a sense of humor after all. Last week she caught and tortured and chipmunk nearly to death, then released it just out of reach of our always-tethered terrier named Oliver. If only I had been there to see it. My wife said the dog nearly lost his mind completely.
becky // June 22, 2009 at 3:12 pm |
Cats are tight-ass bastards.